Need some alone time? We all need to retreat from life's crazy demands every once in a while in order to reconnect with God, argues spiritual director Helen Cahill. Readers share their best retreat experiences in Feedback.

AS A SPIRITUAL DIRECTOR I am fascinated by the common threads of the stories I hear, and it is no surprise that busyness is one of them. "I feel like I am on a merry-go-round." "Life is so hectic; I am always rushing." "I have no time for myself anymore. I am out of touch with my feelings."

Regardless of how many resolutions we make to slow down, it doesn't seem to happen. Commitments compete for our time and energy and cause us to lose touch with the deepest aspirations of our being and of the Divine Presence. The frenetic pace of life robs us of our sense of purpose and causes us to lose sight of who we are and what we are doing.

In Disney's The Lion King, the good king's wicked brother Scar convinces Simba, the king's son and heir to the throne, that he is responsible for the king's death. Driven by guilt, Simba abdicates all responsibility as king. As he wanders around trying to make sense out of his life, his father appears to him. Calling Simba by name, the deceased Lion King roars at him for forgetting who he is and commands him to remember. This encounter with his father provides Simba the motivation and courage to do what he is called to do.

Each of us has moments in our lives when we resonate with Simba's forgetfulness and lack of courage to follow life's bidding. Like Simba, we often long for a voice to remind us of who we are and to nudge us to live well. The Spirit is forever beckoning us. Even those who regularly make efforts to pay attention to the Spirit need extended periods of time for a deeper listening. Retreat, a pause along the road of life, provides this opportunity.

DURING MIDLIFE, MY relationship with my mother was the focus of one retreat. Our relationship had its share of bumpy spots amidst our love for each other. Facing the truth of my relationship with her was no easy experience. Upon awakening one morning I heard the words within me, "I hate her." My initial reaction was shock. For several days I listened deeply to the stirrings in my heart, and I eventually found peace within myself. The moment I acknowledged my true feelings was precisely the moment when I truly became aware of real love for my mother.

Did I need a retreat for this to happen? I don't know. God's ways of getting to us are limitless! However, I do know that the silence, the solitude, and the caring presence of a director facilitated this moment of grace for me.

Retreat means to withdraw. Organizations often invite their employees to retreat to discuss, plan, work on relationships, and make decisions without everyday distractions. When I talk about retreat, the word carries with it the traditional Catholic meaning: a time and place of quiet and solitude to focus on our relationships with self, others, the earth, and God. While problem-solving and personal growth and development may be benefits of a retreat, the actual focus of retreat is our relationship with God.

A Christian understanding of the human person supports the need for making a retreat regularly. Each person is unique and made in the image and likeness of God. As fundamentally spiritual beings, we share in the transcendence of God. Grounded in God, the source of all being, each of us has the capacity to be open to the presence of God within us and among us.

As spiritual beings we also have the capacity to love, to create, to think, and to delight in creation. The spirit within us longs for beauty, truth, goodness, and for the abundance that God promises (John 10:10). We yearn to be our best selves as we walk in the way of love. Most often we resist the good that we desire. How many of us long for intimacy and then move away as soon as someone (including God) tries to get close to us? And yet God continues to delight in us and invite us to intimacy. We are called to taste and see the goodness of God (Ps. 34). Retreat is a time to remember who we are and who we are becoming.

WHY, MY FRIENDS OFTEN ASK, IS MY ANNUAL RETREAT not negotiable? First, retreat awakens me to mystery, especially when my senses have been dulled to the beauty and goodness of life, and enables me to hear more clearly the movements of the Spirit within and to discover God anew in my life.

A few days into my first 30-day retreat about 15 years ago, I realized I had hit rock bottom. Having just left a demanding ministry, my energy was depleted. I had just about lost all sense of the mystery in my life. Lying on the rocks lining the seashore and allowing the warmth of the sun to permeate my being eventually awakened my dulled senses to God's love for me. In the dark of the night, I imagined myself touching the stars. These experiences connected me once again to the mystery and to the deeper parts of my inner self.

Second, my soul longs for periods of extended silence and solitude. In the words of the Dominican mystic Catherine of Siena, I can freely choose to enter into the cell of self-knowledge to know better the goodness of God. In this "space" I can be honest with myself and in touch with the quality of my relationships. In the context of God's goodness, I experience deeply that God truly loves me, exactly as I am. My love for myself deepens and opens me to be a source of love and life for others. Deepening my relationship with God during retreat means that I can resume ordinary life with a clearer perspective on who I am and who God is for me. I took a 30-day retreat because I yearned for silence and solitude. I didn't want to be present to anyone who would ask anything of me. I wanted to run away and have time for myself with God.

A third important aspect of retreat for me is the availability of directors, or guides, who listen and help me to know my own story in greater depth. In The Art of Spiritual Guidance (Crossroad Classic), Carolyn Gratton relates this Sufi story: "A school of fish was swimming around looking for the water.... Finally, they encountered a wise fish, and they asked, 'Where is the sea?' The wise fish responded, 'If you would stop swimming so busily and struggling so anxiously, you would discover that you are already in the sea. You need to look no further than where you already are.'" On retreat I am reminded that I live in the sea of God's being. I also encounter two "wise fish": the one within me and the retreat director, who enables me to accept my story as my salvation history.

PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION--THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE inner life--is clearly one of the fruits of retreat, but not the only one. Our inner life must find expression in exterior acts of love, compassion, and justice toward all. In other words, when a person makes a retreat, everyone stands to gain: family, religious communities, church, and society.

Personal and social transformation go hand in hand. Here we have a paradox: Jesus withdrew to pray and to rest prior to important decisions in his life, so we withdraw from "life as usual" to be more engaged with it--not to avoid it.

While an annual retreat for everyone can inspire major transformation on both the personal and societal levels, it is neither practical nor possible for some people to schedule one for personal or financial reasons. And yet the human spirit needs a regular rhythm of disconnecting from everyone and everything. We all require solitude to manage busy, stressful lives--"retreating" on a daily or regular basis.

Even if physical solitude is not available, it is important that we learn to make our home in the inner spaciousness of our being. Finding solitude within ourselves requires practice and discipline. Spiritual author Joyce Rupp uses the image of pulling an invisible cloak around herself for brief periods of time. Even this small gesture allows for some personal solitude, helping us to be alive and alert so we notice what is going on in and around us.

Some people argue that we should not remove ourselves from everyday life to find God. Yes, we are an incarnational people. It is in the ordinary experiences of everyday life that the in-breaking of divine love happens. But the purpose of time apart, whether on a daily basis or on an extended retreat, is to help us to be aware of and respond to the stirrings of the Spirit that take place as we encounter life. If our prayer is authentic, time spent with God turns us to the world, not away from it.

Living in the midst of so much complexity, chaos, and change can take a toll on all of us. Facing the ordinary challenges of everyday living requires that we tend to our selves. Retreat offers us the opportunity to leave behind the busyness and distractions of life to listen to the Divine Presence within us. It is this Presence who calls us to remember who we are--persons unconditionally loved by God. An annual retreat is a gift we should give ourselves, not only for the personal benefit but also for the greater good of humanity.

AND THE SURVEY SAYS ...

1. I believe that everyone should try to make some sort of retreat each year.

Agree     78%
Disagree  14%
Other      8%

2. The last time I was on retreat was:

39%    In the past year.
24%    1-5 years ago.
 9%    5-10 years ago.
22%    More than 10 years ago.
 6%    I have never been on retreat.

3. My parish offers sufficient opportunities for retreats.

Agree     31%
Disagree  48%
Other     21%

4. The people who can't find time to go on retreats are the people who most need a retreat.

Agree     53%
Disagree  34%
Other     13%

5. I would rather take a vacation than go on retreat.

Agree     16%
Disagree  50%
Other     34%

Representative of "other": "Both have their place in our spiritual and physical rejuvenation."

6. I prefer to find God in the everyday rather than by "retreating" from the world.

Agree     20%
Disagree  46%
Other     34%

Representative of "other": "We need to retreat occasionally to talk to and listen to God so that we can find him in the everyday world."

7. It's unrealistic to think that laypeople, working people, and parents could ever get away for regular retreats.

Agree     19%
Disagree  66%
Other     15%

8. Catholic organizations should give employees a week off each year for retreat, in addition to their regular vacation benefit.

Agree     53%
Disagree  27%
Other     20%

By HELEN CAHILL, O.P., a spiritual director at Claret Center in Chicago.