NOT TOO SLICK, RICK.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

Shoving aside all his transgressions of the past -- and even if we have to rent a heavy duty steamshovel to help, so be it -- if we're to take the new-and-improved Rick Neuheisel at face value, how good does he look now as a potential UCLA head coach coming off a game in which the squad he serves as the offensive coordinator for, the Baltimore Ravens, couldn't even muster enough to beat the previously winless Miami Dolphins?

In the UCLA December Madness pool, does Neuheisel give himself better odds than ... who else is really left in his bracket?

What did Mike Bellotti haveto gain by listening to DanGuerrero's sales pitch -- other than to make Oregon Ducks fans get their sweaty feathers ruffled?

You never really actually thought Norm Chow was a legit candidate, did you? Seriously? Or that he'd even consider a job as the Bruins' offensive coordinator if Neuheisel could lure him away?

Think after today, Ben Olson will have seen enough of BYU for one season?

Is now the appropriate time for Roger Clemens to explain himself?

You're Mike Piazza, and your name still hasn't shown up on any of these lists. Are you relieved, or more insulted that you're completely off the radar these days?

Does Greenpeace take any action about the giant Tuna that got caught in a Dolphin net? And what are we supposed to make of accusations that Bill Parcells, a current ESPN employee, leaked the story of his pending deal with the Falcons with his own bunkmates so that in turn he could get an even better deal from Miami?

Is it now obvious that theDucks need Scott Niedermayer?

And what is it that the Kings need (you can start the list alphabetically if it gets too unwieldy)?

We're cool with Sports Illustrated naming Brett Favre and Dwyane Wade its Sportsman of the Year the past two years, but did Roger Federer's name ever come up in any high-level editors meetings there?

Chris Evert, engaged to GregNorman? Would that be an example of a cougar attacking a Shark?

How about the next time a network covers a Dallas Cowboys game, it does an opening shot with Terrell Owens in the locker room, and Jessica Simpson dropping a towel in front of him?

By playing host to three college bowl games in the next 30-some-odd days, has New Orleans officially recovered?

So is now the appropriate time for Roger Clemens to explain himself?

What's the PGA Tour going to do this year without Michelle Wie as its star attraction?

Believe in LenDale White now?

Someday, will Jacksonville running back Fred Taylor's Hall of Fame plaque include the line: "Of the 47 players to rush for 7,000 yards or more in their careers, he was the only one to never make a Pro Bowl"?

Anyone seen Rory Sabattini lately trying to hightail it out of Sherwood?

Is this the appropriate time for Roger Clemens to explain himself? Or does he need a PR agent to enhance his performance when going in full denial mode?

[e-mail]