NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE OSCARS EDGY IS THE NEW NORMAL AT MTV MOVIE AWARDS.

Byline: Fred Shuster Staff Writer

At the MTV Movie Awards, Gollum is an hourly employee.

The villainous troll from ``Lord of the Rings'' was played by a diminutive actor at the cable network's always amusing Hollywood trophy fest and kept in a cage beneath the podium. Stars trooped up to accept their awards, but Gollum was left unmentioned, just another weird visual at what's become the industry's most-copied awards show.

The big winner was ``Kill Bill - Vol. 1,'' with Uma Thurman taking best female performance and Lucy Liu voted best villain. For the third year in a row, a ``Lord of the Rings'' flick took best movie. Best kiss went to the ``Starsky & Hutch'' three-way featuring Carmen Electra and Amy Smart sandwiching Owen Wilson.

Taped Saturday at a Culver City soundstage, the show was predictably off the wall. Even before host Lindsay Lohan arrived on stage under the fire-spitting metallic dragon in the first of a half-dozen costume changes, the strangeness had set in. Outside, Adam Sandler stepped from a limo in baggy shorts, overly large T-shirt and baseball cap looking like he'd just wandered over from a neighbor's back yard. Nearby, Sharon Stone descended from her stretch chariot in a diaphanous pink gown. Musical groups the Beastie Boys (now graying Beastie Old Men) and D12 were ensconced in sprawling entourages the size of some small nations.

A short time later, after Christina Aguilera took a tumble on stage, Ellen DeGeneres showed up as Spider-Man and Electra demonstrated the art of serial smooching, Eminem suffered a wardrobe malfunction and mooned the crowd. Producers later said the rapper's pale bottom would be excised from the show's premiere Thursday.

``We don't do take after take,'' said MTV president Van Toffler. ``This is a live show, and people just have to take it in stride. It's the Oscars reversed.''

While the accent was on laughs, Saturday's taping wasn't entirely devoid of politics. Jack Black, given the nod for best comedic performance for his turn in ``The School of Rock,'' accepted his golden bucket of popcorn in a John Kerry T-shirt.

In a previously taped segment, director Michael Moore presented an award - but not before plugging his controversial new documentary ``Fahrenheit 9/11,'' which, among other things, criticizes President Bush for his response to the terrorist attacks and for the Iraq War. The film opens June 25.

``It's got car chases, big explosions, love scenes,'' a deadpan Moore said. ``It's the perfect summer movie. I don't know why that guy in the White House is so worried about it.''

That guy in MTV's editing booth, at least, won't have much to worry about. Aside from a couple of expletives that went largely unheard by the studio audience, the level of potential offensiveness Saturday was relatively low. Among the most jarring image makeovers this year belonged to Aguilera and Paris Hilton - both known for revealing more skin than a tanning salon - who've been refashioned into some sort of combination of Little Orphan Annie and Lolita.

The event's fashion breakthrough was rapper Eve's cat-paw tattoos on both breasts.

Backstage, where the Napa merlot was flowing freely, all was relatively quiet. Media tsunami Courtney Love, an MTV awards show perennial, was conspicuously absent, having just begun a court-ordered rehab. Most winners and presenters skipped the press room entirely, opting for a quick photo op.

Late last week, we cornered Lohan, who turns 18 next month, at rehearsals to ask the tough question: Why are girls so mean? ``Sometimes we have to be,'' replied the star of ``Mean Girls.'' ``And boys can be mean, too. But girls can be nice.''

On Saturday, Lohan, her neck draped in crosses, opened the two-hour show with a comedy skit and gutsy dance routine. She closed the show by saying: ``Now, I'm going to the after-party and have some nonalcoholic punch.''

Along with ``Kill Bill's'' three trophies, other winners included Johnny Depp for best male performance for his swashbuckler in ``Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl'' and Lohan as breakthrough female artist for ``Mean Girls.''

As usual, taped skits provided many of the night's highlights. The witty opening segment had a supposed pitch meeting between Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn as oily film executives trying to convince director Peter Jackson to make ``Lord of the Rings 4.'' Get Tolkien on the phone, Stiller demands, adding, ``It's not a trilogy anymore - it's a quadrilogy.''

Another recurring taped bit showed a clueless TV reporter interviewing, among others, Jim Caviezel, who played the title role in ``The Passion of the Christ,'' but refusing to admit the actor isn't actually the deity.

Acceptance speeches were equally memorable. A smiling Wilson, taking the honor for that Electra/Smart makeout session, summed up: ``We used our mouths, our lips, even our tongues to create this masterpiece.''

Launched 14 years ago as the deranged stepsister of the Academy Awards, the MTV Movie Awards initially drew attention for its outrageous antics but was rarely taken seriously by the entertainment establishment. Yet in recent years, the cable network's edge-of-disaster approach rewrote the play book for trophy shows - and Oscar, Emmy and Grammy have taken notice.

``It makes our job more difficult,'' said Salli Frattini, the program's longtime executive producer. ``We try to introduce new elements every year and really be current and keep ourselves out front. But with so many movies coming out on DVD during the nominations period and the Oscars moving their season, we have to be conscious of a lot of this stuff.''

And Gollum? At some point, he stepped out of his cage, punched a time clock and split.

Fred Shuster, [phone]

fred.shuster(at)dailynews.com

2004 MTV MOVIE AWARDS

What: ``Kill Bill - Vol. 1'' slays the competition with the most wins of the night at the music net's trophy fest. Actress Lindsay Lohan of ``Mean Girls'' hosts, and Beastie Boys, D12 with Eminem, and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs perform.

Where: MTV.

When: 9 p.m. Thursday, repeated at 11:30 p.m., with repeats on other days to follow.

CAPTION(S):

8 photos, box

Photo:

(1 -- 3 -- cover -- color) SILLY scenes from the MTV Movie Awards

(4) Eve, Ice Cube and a diminutive Gollum present the MTV Movie Award for best fight.

(5) Host Lindsay Lohan didn't go away empty-handed, winning the award for breakthrough female.

(6) Scarlett Johnasson and Jake Gyllenhaal pump it up while introducing the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

(7) Best comedic performance winner Jack Black made a political statement with his ``Vote Kerry'' T-shirt.

(8) Golden popcorns in hand, Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler accept the award for best on-screen team.

John McCoy/Staff Photographer

Box:

2004 MTV Movie Awards winners

- Associted Press