NOT MUCH TO SEE THROUGH 'HAUNTED MANSION'S' EFFECTS.

Byline: Valerie Kuklenski Staff Writer

YOU KNOW that disappointment you feel when a theme-park ride breaks down and you're stuck in one place too long, scrutinizing all the tricks and gimmicks? And how it kills all the thrills of the experience?

That's the feeling you get while watching ``The Haunted Mansion,'' Walt Disney Pictures' latest Disneyland ride brought to the big screen.

It's true that last summer's hit ``Pirates of the Caribbean'' is one tough act to follow, but ``The Haunted Mansion'' falls short even without such comparisons.

Eddie Murphy is Jim Evers, a very driven real estate agent in New Orleans in partnership with his more-grounded wife, Sara (Marsha Thomason). They are headed for a weekend getaway with their preteen kids (Marc John Jefferies and Aree Davis) when the opportunity for a rare and potentially pricey listing surfaces.

It seems Edward Gracey (Nathaniel Parker) has found one of the Evers' fliers and wants them to handle the sale of his family estate, a dilapidated antebellum mansion situated on a remote bayou, complete with its own extensive burial grounds.

Sara tries to postpone their meeting, but Jim insists on making the appointment, so they arrive with the kids at the dead-vine-covered house, with Jim probably writing the ad in his head: ``Bring your paint brush ...''

Insert plot cliche here: A sudden thunderstorm and downpour makes the road out impassable, stranding them for the night. You know, one of those thunderstorms in which the lightning illuminates even windowless halls.

Seems the house has quite a tragic history, and Sara has a unique connection to it. The plot involves forbidden interracial marriage, although the script never refers directly to it, and a double suicide, although the dialogue never fully addresses it.

And for some reason, the unfinished business of the two dead lovers is holding up the final disposition of nearly 1,000 other souls lingering in and around the house.

This film is full of unintentional mysteries. For instance, what's a crystal ball with the enchanted image and voice of a mystic (Jennifer Tilly) doing in the attic of a Southern gentleman's manor? (Except maybe as an obligatory homage to the source material.)

Forget about whether you believe in ghosts - do you believe in the concept of an underground crypt in Louisiana bayou country? And why, pray tell, do so many New Orleans residents in this movie have British accents?

On the other hand, there are a couple of points ``The Haunted Mansion'' drives home hard: First, that Murphy's character is a workaholic, to his wife's annoyance, and second, that Disney will always pull out the stops on effects for a movie like this.

It is telling that all credits on director Rob Minkoff's bio involve complete animation or heavy use of it, from ``The Lion King'' and ``Who Framed Roger Rabbit?'' to ``Stuart Little.'' Maybe he's not a people person in terms of drawing out great performances or punching up dialogue, but he can work CGI like nobody's business.

Rick Baker proves again why he is the go-to guy for major animatronic and makeup effects, such as the graveyard ghosts and the heavily decayed skeletons that chase Jim and daughter Megan out of the aforementioned underground crypt.

Alas, all the great effects come too late and then are used too heavily to hold the film together. The result is a horror flick that's too scary for little kids, a story that doesn't work for more sophisticated audiences and a comedy with too few laughs.

Valerie Kuklenski, [phone]

valerie.kuklenski(at)dailynews.com

THE HAUNTED MANSION - Two stars

(PG: scary action, children in jeopardy)

Starring: Eddie Murphy, Terence Stamp, Nathaniel Parker, Marsha Thomason, Jennifer Tilly.

Director: Rob Minkoff.

Running time: 1 hr. 28 min.

Playing: Wide release.

In a nutshell: Eddie Murphy grins and mugs his way through another movie, this one big on effects and slim on laughs.

CAPTION(S):

photo

Photo:

Eddie Murphy tries to reason with a zombie in ``The Haunted Mansion,'' this year's second film based on a Disneyland ride.