NOT ENOUGH INSPIRATION TO GET OUT THE VOTERS.

Byline: Josh Kafka

TWO weeks ago, Los Angeles voted to elect a new mayor. Well, some of the 9 million people in Los Angeles voted. OK, more like a handful. (How many people do you know who did their civic duty?) The pitiful turnout begs the question: If an election takes place in the city and nobody shows, does it really count?

The answer: Not really. The simple truth is that nobody in L.A. cares about the mayor. Ozone layer? We're on it. Box-office grosses? Ten-year- olds know what movie was No. 1. But city politics? More effective than Ambien for putting Angelenos to sleep.

Of course, it doesn't help that the candidates failed to capture the public's imagination, failed to inspire, and failed to rouse anyone out of the lethargy that infects civic politics here.

In a city where most college-educated residents couldn't even name their mayor before the recent press of the election, the four challengers simply blew it. Break up the school system, you say? Wins some, loses some. Appeal mainly to your own ethnic group? How's that working out? Cater to San Fernando Valley voters? Not going to help you downtown.

Here's how one of them - any one of them - could have won outright: Pledge to become a mayor who inspires, who brings us together, who tells us he'll work every day to make Los Angeles America's greatest city, a town that rivals any in the world. (Do I hear you smirking? Cut it out.)

These are the facts: We are the most diverse city on the planet. Bar none. Not New York. Not London. Good ol' L.A. We have the mountains, the beaches, the sun (usually), world-class museums (yes, that's plural), Hollywood, the finest restaurants, a great nickname (OK ``City of Angels'' is more of a translation than a nickname, but it'll do), sports, theater, fashion - there's just no city in the world that can rival all of our strengths.

Has Randy Newman written a song about your town?

Did one candidate appeal to this potential for civic pride? Not on your life.

Tell me you'll work to make Los Angeles America's No. 1 tourist destination, to make it the nation's greenest city (car-pool lanes for hybrids were barely mentioned), and I'd come out and vote.

Tell me you'll bring back professional football. Tell me you'll have a nationwide glitzy ad campaign with a catchy theme song. Tell me you'll coin a buzz phrase (New York's got ``fughetaboutit''; we've got ``SigAlert''). Tell me that you'll solve my problems, help the poor, and serve as an example to the nation at the same time, I'd even donate money.

Instead, our candidates showered us with bile and scandal. That's what celebrity trials are for - and, hey, we've got those too. Unite us in a vision for this city's future and you could have a following as loyal as Lakers fans. If not, you can become another Mayor ``What'shisname'' backed by the big real estate developer. No, the other big real estate developer.

If the maxim that people generally get the government they deserve is true, then we'd better work on our karma. But what do I know? I've lived here for 15 years and I still consider myself a New Yorker.