NO CHEST OF GOLD IN `PIRATES' GAMES.

Byline: Redmond Carolipio Staff Writer

It may be ``Arrr!'' for moviegoers this week, but does that mean ``Argh!'' for gamers?

With ``Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest'' having opened Friday on big the silver screen, three video games based on the franchise have been unleashed to pillage the PlayStation 2, PlayStation Portable and the Nintendo DS.

But as many a seasoned gamer can tell you, movie-based games are best left buried on a deserted island. Here's how this haul stacks up.

`Pirates of the Caribbean: The Legend of Jack

Sparrow' (Bethesda Softworks, PlayStation 2, Rated T for Teen): This hack-and-slash action title is the only game out of the three that features the actual voice of Johnny Depp in all of his woozy pirate glory.

At the outset, there's plenty of promise: With Depp's voice as the driving force behind the game's storytelling, the missions are essentially a collection of Jack Sparrow's tall tales, with the players constantly finding themselves re-living his battles.

However, the rest of the game feels sloppier than Jack on a deserted rum-packed island.

From odd audio quirks (hearing hard footsteps when walking through water) to the herky-jerky animation (think of the ``Wallace & Gromit'' stop-motion stuff but less smooth) to seeing people pass through solid objects, the entire experience is a sea of loose ends.

Swordfighting, which should be a cornerstone of every pirate game, tends to feel repetitive and a little too button-mash friendly.

Even Jack tends to get a little annoying, as every new in-game objective that pops up on the screen leads to a spontaneous audio blurb of Jack saying, ``Help Jack ...'' with the rest being practically unintelligible -- although it is Jack, so perhaps that's the point.

Sadly, ``Legend of Jack Sparrow'' is another example of a game's potential being undone by seasick execution. The good news, if any, is that a third ``Pirates'' movie is already in the works, so developers have one more chance to come up with a seaworthy action/pirate game -- and perhaps learn from the mistakes of this one (One and one half stars).

`Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest' (Buena Vista Games, PSP, Nintendo DS, Rated T for Teen): The titles for the PSP and Nintendo DS both have subtle differences, but the core gameplay is essentially the same: Beat up anyone who crosses your path.

PlayStation Portable version: Players take command of Jack Sparrow and essentially fight along the story line of the ``Dead Man's Chest'' movie. Graphically the game is OK, but some personality lies in the attempt to diversify the hand-to-hand combat. You have your choice of power and speed attacks, as well as some ``dirty'' moves, like kicking someone in the crotch.

Each confrontation turns into a sword-clashing spectacle, where pressing the right button delivers the fatal blow. It's a nice idea, but it doesn't work as well when you're fighting groups of enemies -- you have to take on each bad guy one-on-one, while the others either sit there or take free swings at you.

The game camera gets a little loopy at times, which means you either won't see some enemies coming, or you'll spend time trying to figure out which direction you're facing.

You won't hear Johnny Depp, but you'll hear someone that sounds a lot like him -- the voice quips can be funny at times, but they don't happen enough.

The game's best part is multiplayer ship-to-ship combat, where players can unlock pirate ships like the Black Pearl and kill time by trying to blast holes in other seafarers. Simple, pirate fun (Two and one half stars).

Nintendo DS version: Here you get to control all three main characters (Jack, Will and Elizabeth), each of them with their own special moves and fighting styles.

The gameplay is classic beat-'em-up design -- unlike the PSP version, you essentially just keep attacking hordes of enemies until you destroy them all. Then you proceed to the next area. Second verse, same as the first.

Each character does have all-powerful signature moves, such as Jack firing a bullet that ricochets off walls and hits everyone in the room. Players also can unlock more special attacks along the way. However, you don't need any of them, as most of the enemies are a breeze to defeat (Two stars).

Redmond Carolipio, [phone]

redmond.carolipio(at)sbsun.com