NEWS LITE : WILL DUBIOUS DOGGY MATH PREVAIL?

With all due respect, the San Francisco SPCA seems to be bending some rule or other for its Longest Down-Stay, an event planned as part of its June 9 Animal Wingding.

Participating dogs will line up along Alabama Street, which runs alongside the SPCA headquarters. ``At precisely 1 p.m.,'' an announcement says, ``an SF/SPCA staffer will mount the platform, lean toward the microphone and bark the command `Sit

' A few moments later he will give the second command, `Down!' followed shortly by `Stay!' The dogs will remain in the stay position for 20 seconds.''

Whereupon, the number of dogs will be multiplied by the seconds, and the resulting figures forwarded to the Guinness Book of World Records.

SF/SPCA President Richard Avanzino hopes 500 dogs will participate, thereby creating ``the longest down-stay in terms of time.'' Hmmm.

Supermodels of decorum,

they're not

Supermodels are not like you and me. They make more money. But they're also afflicted with an abnormal amount of what we call showboatiness. They're gawked at so much they expect it 24 hours a day. Take Naomi Campbell. She's at a chi-chi Manhattan diner with a fashion writer, right? And she's bored. And there's an audience. And the writer asks to try on her frock. What does she do? Take off her clothes in full view of patrons and hand the frock to the chap, that's what. Cosmo mag, which chronicles this sort of thing, unveils the episodes that make models . . . special.

There's ``the money'' factor: Linda Evangelista's infamous quote about not getting out of bed for less than ten grand still resounds.

``The bitchiness'' factor: Claudia Schiffer, who couldn't walk the walk at first, inspired snickers galore: ``In the beginning, she could not put one foot in front of the other,'' a fashion columnist sneers. ``You just sat there thinking, `Get a drag queen in here to show this woman how to walk!' ''

``The immorality'' factor: Italian Carla Bruni's specialty is frolicking with married men, including Mick Jagger.

``The party till you drop'' factor: Young Texan Bridget Hall is a champion club hopper.

And finally, there's ``the Naomi'' factor: Of all the tales told, her name keeps coming up. Once she arrived half a day late for an assignment, and when this was objected to, said the agent, she ``called my clients Spanish pigs.'' And to top it off, she called Schiffer a ``German cow'' to her face.

Investigators on Simpson case?

Six prominent Bay Area private investigators, members of the World Association of Detectives, have volunteered to investigate O.J. Simpson's claims - for free - that the murderers of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman are in San Francisco. Philip Stuto, Samuel Webster, Harold Lipset, Vance Morris, Joel Michel and James King say they will need all the information Simpson has, and then ``run all of these leads into the ground'' and turn over their findings to the Los Angeles district attorney.

`Nightline' host rates candidates

Stacking up the men who would be president, Ted Koppel says President Clinton is no longer lacking a spine, Bob Dole is ``hard to love,'' and Pat Buchanan is a name-caller. ``Clinton is a much older man today,'' Koppel says. ``He's clearly developed a spine. He could . . . turn out to be quite a remarkable president.'' Koppel said many Americans still think Dole is too mean. And Koppel is still angry about remarks made in March by Buchanan's sister, Bay Buchanan. She called Koppel a ``two-faced, anti-Catholic bigot'' after a segment about Buchanan's Catholic upbringing. Said Koppel: ``This from a candidate who routinely refers to Hispanics as `Jose' in a disparaging fashion. . . . I don't need to be lectured by Pat Buchanan on bigotry.''

If you didn't get to Jackie O. auction . . .

There's talk that the Monaco royals, in the wake of the cash raked in from the Jackie O. auction, are more amenable to putting Princess Grace's stuff on the block. They've long resisted the cajoling, but Prince Albert is in the Big Apple this week for a Princess Grace Foundation do and may huddle with auction houses. Like the former first lady, the former Grace Kelly rarely parted with anything and left behind first-class goods.

Julie Andrews gets musical desertsJulie Andrews, who refused the lone Tony nomination received by her show ``Victor/Victoria,'' has won the Drama Desk award for best actress in a musical.

``Rent'' won six Drama Desk awards, including best musical. Its creator, Jonathan Larson, who died before the musical opened off-Broadway, received awards for its book, music and lyrics.

``Master Class,'' Terrence McNally's drama about Maria Callas, was named best play at the awards ceremony Sunday night.

Two weeks ago, Andrews turned down her Tony nomination to protest her show's failure to receive recognition in any other category, including best musical.

The Drama Desk, a collection of New York-based journalists, critics and authors who cover the theater.

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PHOTO (1) O.J. Simpson: Free detection?

(2) Ted Koppel:Blasts Buchanan