NEWS LITE : SEINFELD CLUBBING AT SOUTHLAND SPOT.

``I know what you're thinking,'' Jerry Seinfeld told 250 giddy souls at a sold-out comedy club in Hermosa Beach this week. ``He quit the show for this?'' The Comedy and Magic Club is the same joint where Jay Leno tries out his new stuff. Seinfeld will perform for six more dates there before his HBO gig in the Big Apple next month. In a Q&A session, Seinfeld wouldn't name his fave ``Seinfeld'' episode but elicited howls with a reprise of his disgusted greeting: ``Hello, Newman,'' which he demonstrated in detail, noting: ``There's much more to it than just reciting the line.''

Hanks denies land is for Clinton roost

Tom Hanks is having a cow over reports that he bought the property next to his Pacific Palisades home so that the Clintons would have a place to retire to when they exit the White House in 2001, according to People magazine.

``It's utter rubbish, total gibberish,'' Hanks said. ``It's like this strange real estate rumor that swept through the Westside of Los Angeles. For the last two weeks I have had people calling me asking, Is it true? My neighbors are saying, Did you hear? He bought that land for Clinton. I keep saying, Are you people insane? I have bought a new lot, but I'm going to live there.''

Pamela says she's thriving without Lee

Actress Pamela Anderson Lee says she's ``moving on'' without her estranged rocker husband, Tommy Lee.

``I'm doing great,'' she said during an appearance Friday on ``The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.'' ``We're all getting through it.''

Lee said she has recently spoken with her estranged husband, who's serving six months in Los Angeles County jail for kicking her several times in February while she held one of their two young sons.

``He's in a little cell with bars, a little tiny window,'' the former ``Baywatch'' star said. ``I'm moving on with my life. Everything's so positive. Everyone's supportive.''

Prosecutors jettison case against singer

Singer Bobby Brown will not face a charge of sexual battery, a district attorney's spokeswoman said.

Brown had been scheduled for a Municipal Court arraignment Friday in a case stemming from an alleged incident last month involving a teen-ager in the pool area of the Beverly Hills Hotel.

Victoria Pipkin of the Los Angeles County District Attorney's Office said Friday she believed prosecutors withdrew the case late Thursday.

``It's my understanding it's due to insufficient evidence,'' she said.

Brown, the husband of singer Whitney Houston, was arrested for investigation of misdemeanor sexual battery on the afternoon of June 21.

Authorities did not release details of the allegation, but it reportedly involved a claim that Brown had slapped a teen-ager on the behind.

Brown had denied touching anyone.

Police had no comment on the dropped case, said Lt. Al Munoz-Flores.

Brown, who lives in Mendham, N.J., is best known for his 1988 album ``Don't Be Cruel'' and the hit single ``My Prerogative.''

West Virginia is for lovers, too

Bride-to-be Joy Cunningham had 100 words to make her point, but the last 19 probably clinched it.

``We may not have fallen in love in West Virginia, but we are both in love with West Virginia,'' the Durham, N.C., woman wrote.

With those words, she and fiance Lyndon ``Dave'' Jernigan won an international essay contest Wednesday designed to promote West Virginia tourism by giving away a wedding along with $20,000 worth of prizes.

The couple - who proclaimed West Virginia ``the most romantic spot on Earth'' - were picked from more than 200 competing couples.

Nearly 500 people from as far as Japan and Germany wrote essays, but more than half failed to comply with the rules. Some exceeded the word limit. Others didn't include the $25 entry fee.

Judges based their scores on presentation, sincerity and how well the essay answered the question of why a wedding in West Virginia would be a dream come true.

Judge Cynthia Nesselrode said submissions ranged from poetry to ``top 10 reasons in David Letterman format.''

Knock, knock. Who's there? Construction.

Instead of the usual dour warnings and flashing arrows, the highway signs along Interstate 65 in Indiana have orange smiley faces, knock-knock jokes and funny phrases to make the eight-mile stretch more tolerable.

``Everybody thought it was kind of corny at first, but after we got past that, we decided to go ahead and do it,'' said Richard O'Connor, a vice president of consulting company RQAW.

Purdue University engineering graduates were allowed to put a frowning face at the beginning of the roadway and the words, ``Eight miles to go, hang in there,'' followed by funny phrases at each mile. The signs end with a happy face and a joke.

Many of the 24,000 drivers who pass through the zone each day like the encouragement, said Ryan Travis, a spokesman for the Indiana Department of Transportation.

``The letters have just poured in from this,'' he said. ``We're used to getting the other kind of comments and this is the first time we're seeing letters of support.''

For Emiko Hurd, traveling to Illinois from Ohio, the knock-knock joke was just what she needed.

``This was the first time I laughed my way through a highway construction zone,'' she said.

``Ken Starr has become the Captain Ahab of this investigation - he's obsessed with bringing down the white whale.''

- U.S. Rep. Barney Frank, D-Mass.,

likening President Clinton to Moby Dick, on Meet the Press

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3 Photos

PHOTO (1) Clinton

(2) Brown

(3) A mite powerful best friend

Sierra R. Herbick, 10, gets an assist from Prancer, her miniature Doberman, while riding outside their Ogdensburg, N.Y., home.

Grant J. Currie/Associated Press