NEWS LITE : NAMES IN THE NEWS ALLEY'S DIVORCE GETS GEOGRAPHICAL.

It's splitsville for Kirstie Alley and Parker Stevenson, but in which state?

Alley claims the family's primary residence is their Islesboro, Maine, summer home on a cliff overlooking Penobscot Bay. Stevenson, who first earned fame on TV's ``The Hardy Boys,'' says they live in California.

The issue could be critical. Under California's community property laws, the couple would be required to split assets equally. In Maine, only wealth acquired during the marriage is contested.

Alley, the former ``Cheers'' star, filed for divorce in Waldo County Superior Court on March 26. A day later, Stevenson filed his countersuit in California. The courts in both states must now decide which has jurisdiction.

The 42-year-old actress said in her suit that the couple adopted their two children in Maine - where they also vote, register their vehicles and pay taxes.

While acknowledging that the couple spent time at their vacation home and filed tax returns in Maine, Stevenson, 44, said they have both lived in California since the 1970s.

In his divorce petition, Stevenson has requested a list of Alley's assets and indicated he will seek ``spousal support'' and joint custody of their two children.

Culkin's mother gets six of her seven kids

As expected, a Big Apple judge gave custody of Macaulay Culkin and five of his six siblings to the actor's mother, Patricia Brentrup, but he strongly suggested that father Christopher ``Kit'' Culkin be involved in his children's show-biz careers. The judge says of Culkin, ``I believe he has had much to do with Macaulay's success.''

Prince Willie's briefs missing identification

Bonny Prince William, who's now on safari in Africa with his brother, Harry, and dad, Prince Charles, has been having a tough go of it at school.

No, he's not failing Latin. Some thug-in-the-making has been snatching the name tag off the royal briefs, People magazine reports.

Suspicions are that HRH's BVDs are prized souvenirs since he's a budding heartthrob and future king.

Roseanne gets cold shoulder from ABC 

Spurned for a 10th season on ABC, Roseanne will star in a spinoff on another network.

ABC has withdrawn from negotiations for a new show with Carsey-Warner Productions, which produces ``Roseanne,'' executives told The New York Times on condition of anonymity. The network gave up its option on the spinoff because it was unwilling to pay the asking price.

``Roseanne'' has portrayed the life of the blue-collar Conner family since 1988, but in the show's latest season their fortunes changed after they won the lottery. The Roseanne Conner character may be the only one from the original show to continue in the spinoff.

School board election generates zero turnout

What if they held an election and nobody came?

It happened in Pottawatomie County, Kan.

Nobody, not even the candidate, showed up to vote in the Rock Creek School Board election Tuesday. That leaves the board short a member.

``I can't explain it,'' said County Clerk Susan Figge. ``I don't understand it; I really don't.''

None of the 327 voters in the district who were eligible to vote showed up - including the candidate, Mike Sotelo, who was running unopposed. Figge said the seat will be filled by a vote of the board.

Some believe voters were not aware of the election - and those who were may have been confused by the relocation of the polling place.

OFFBEAT

April Fools' Day was like any other day at the First Bank of Coastal Georgia - except for that screaming clown plastered in paint running toward the doors.

The clown was real estate investor Paul Peskin, 30, who was looking over the abandoned Pembroke State Bank when he found a fake package of bills in an open vault.

He put the stack in his pocket, not knowing it was a decoy that tellers give to bank robbers. It exploded, covering him in red dye and an irritant like tear gas. Peskin ran outside, looking for the parked truck of a friend.

The friend moonlights as a clown. Peskin put on the clown suit to keep dye off the truck upholstery.

``Apparently the dye was irritating somewhat rather profusely, and he couldn't stay in the truck,'' Police Chief Billy Reynolds later explained. ``It can be pretty painful.''

So Peskin jumped out of the truck and ran toward First Bank. Police were called about the possibility that a clown had robbed a bank.

``Nothing this unusual has ever occurred that I can remember,'' Reynolds said. No charges were filed.

Royal City, Wash. is so desperate for cash, the mayor wants to change the name for $100,000.

Mayor Mike Stark wants to take a bottling company up on its offer of $100,000 to the town that renames itself to promote Dr. McGillicuddy schnapps.

``Hey, we'll do whatever it takes. We need the money,'' Stark told the Tri-City Herald.

To qualify for the contest to be named McGillicuddy City, a town needs a hotel, a saloon and snowfall at least half the year.

``We've got a defunct hotel and sort of a saloon,'' Stark said of his town, population 1,100. ``I call it a bar, but it could be a saloon.''

There are no competitors in sight, but bottler Sazerac Co. of New Orleans say that may change when word of the contest spreads.

In nearby Warden, Mayor Dick Keeney said the money would hardly pay for a street, let alone a park.

One consolation: The chosen town can return to its original name after four years.

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2 Photos

Photo: (1) ROSEANNE

(2) Warming the polar front

Irka, a female polar bear, sleeps in the sunshine at the Zoo of the Sea in Bremerhaven, Germany. She was expected to perk up in colder temperatures, forecast for this week.

Associated Press