NEWS LITE : CRYSTAL'S SLAPS CARRIED WEIGHT.

Those slaps that Billy Crystal gives to actor Joe Viterelli (Jelly) in ``Analyze This''? They're - gulp - real, says People magazine. At first, Crystal, who plays shrink to mobster Robert De Niro's character, gave Viterelli one whack.

Then, says Viterelli, he overheard De Niro tell Crystal: ``Hit him harder. Give him a good one.'' So Crystal did. Then, says Viterelli, ``I see director Harold Ramis talking to De Niro at the monitor again. I say, `Oh no.' De Niro was making a motion with his hand, and he brings it all the way back. He nods to Billy, and they say, `Let's do it again.' '' And, boy, did Crystal let loose! Says Viterelli, ``In all the movies I've ever done, nobody's ever slapped me, and that includes my whole life and everyone on the planet.''

Carters volunteer efforts in Philippines

Former President Carter is taking his humanitarian home-building project to the Philippines, where he'll lead efforts to construct low-cost housing for poor Filipinos.

Carter arrived Saturday with his wife, Rosalynn, to join more than 2,000 Filipino and foreign volunteers of Habitat for Humanity. He'll attend to building starting Monday in the coastal town of Maragondon, south of Manila.

Carter will travel around the Philippines to lead the building of 250 single-story concrete houses in a week's time. He joined the program as a volunteer in 1984, boosting the group that has built about 60,000 houses worldwide since its founding in 1976.

OFFBEAT 

Poor Madison - the City Without a Slogan.

Radio talk show host John ``Sly'' Sylvester says that's the problem. Chicago is Windy City and The City That Works. Even Middleton, Madison's smaller neighbor to the west, is known as The Good Neighbor City.

``Not everybody in Middleton is a good neighbor,'' Sylvester said as he challenged listeners on WTDY to come up with a slogan for his city.

To prime the pump, he offered a takeoff on a state tourism motto: ``Wisconsin: You're Among Friends.''

His version: ``Madison: You're Among Freaks.''

Sylvester said he got about 50 calls with suggestions during his Wednesday morning show, including Madison: We're Not as Hip as We Think; Madison: Narrow Streets, Narrower Minds; and Madison: Welcome! Now Go Home.

He planned to have today's listeners pick a favorite to be forwarded to the Chamber of Commerce, which is looking for a city-defining phrase.

It's safe to assume that Julia Child didn't have a hand in the latest menu addition at the Northampton County Prison.

As a punishment for bad behavior in the dining hall, disruptive inmates soon will be served ``food loaf,'' an unusual blend of leftovers that is mixed with flour and baked.

Cooks at the prison practiced the culinary concoction last week, creating a breakfast loaf consisting of prunes, eggs, toast, butter, hash browns, bacon and orange juice.

``It had the consistency of carrot cake but wasn't as sweet,'' said Director of Corrections Cindy Marakovits, who sampled the punishment grub.

``It's not as bad as you would think,'' she said. ``But after eating it three times a day, I hope the inmates served food loaf begin to appreciate the meals they do get. One just wonders what the spaghetti food loaf will be like.''

Rabbi's tome pairs religion and . . . sex

Don't tell his mother, but Rabbi Shmuley Boteach is making more waves than a carp in a bathtub. His book, ``Kosher Sex,'' has been on sale for a week and is creating a one-of-a-kind buzz, already ranking 5 on the Amazon.com Hot 100 list after Wednesday's ``Today Show'' appearance. As Katie Couric herself declared, Boteach is a ``publicist's dream.'' Doubleday's publisher of religion, Eric Major, insists this is the ``most exciting launch of a book that I have seen in many years.

``Boteach has produced a veritable avalanche of media attention.'' Doubleday believes that it has a true phenomenon on their hands. The rabbi has done something that is rarely done - combined religion and sex.

This coupling alone is bound to make waves, but when the messenger is an orthodox rabbi who drinks 20 cups of coffee a day, cracks jokes as much as he quotes the Torah and waxes eloquently on the holiness of sex toys, people pay attention.

This book and this man are pure entertainment. But ``Kosher Sex'' has a serious and credible mission as well. As Boteach himself says: ``The focus of this book is sex and the central position it occupies within marriage and relationships. Sex for pleasure is an end in itself. But `Kosher Sex' is the fire of sexual attraction that creates union in the bedroom and closeness and intimacy in life.''

Boteach wants to improve the sex lives of husbands and wives around America. In doing so, he believes the institution of marriage can and will be saved.

Cinema stinkers singled out for Razzie `honors'

The ``winners'' of the 19th annual Golden Raspberry Awards - Hollywood's least-coveted trophies - were announced at the Radisson Huntley hotel in Santa Monica.

There was a three-way tie for Worst Re-make or Sequel, with ``Psycho,'' ``The Avengers'' and ``Godzilla'' each snagging an award.

Nominees were determined by about 465 members of the Golden Raspberry Award Foundation, which includes film professionals, journalists and movie fans.

News Lite is compiled by Mary Gautschy from Daily News staff and wire reports.

CAPTION(S):

2 Photos

PHOTO (1) LARGER THAN LIFE 

Jessica Schmidt, 13, examines her instantly big biceps in a fun house mirror at a park in Hays, Kansas, on Saturday.

Charlie Riedel/Hays Daily News

(2) CARTER