NEWS LITE : BOBBITT TAKES LEAP ONTO PULPIT.

Holy matrimony! In an unseemly pairing that must make even the Almighty cringe, John Wayne Bobbitt says he has been ordained as a minister so he could officiate at weddings in Las Vegas.

You remember Bobbitt: He was separated from his male member by a knife wielded by his wife, Lorena - it was successfully reattached later - catapulting John into the porn industry and giving stand-up comedians material for years. He said he got ordained Wednesday to ``get rid of the bad-boy image.'' This profoundly seriocomic decision was his agent's idea - but Bobbitt says he most certainly wasn't motivated by the money he could rake in from the booming marriage industry in Vegas. ``I want to use my name in a positive way to help other people,'' Bobbitt said.

Monique Bray, owner of Victoria's Wedding Chapel, where the two-minute ordination took place, said the Rev. Peter Billiterri of the Universal Life Church did the honors. Bobbitt won't be helping couples take the plunge just yet. He needs a state license, which could take up to eight weeks.

``I grew up as a Christian,'' says Bobbitt, who starred buck naked in an X-rated flick inspired by the cut that was felt around the world. ``I just want to do what is right, to stay away from things my mom and dad frown on.''

Intergenerational romance rebuffed

Brit Ralph Fiennes, 33, who last spring dumped wife Alex Kingston for actress Francesca Annis, 51 - who played his mom in the 1995 Broadway production of ``Hamlet'' - has run into parent troubles. Hers.

Anthony and Marquita Annis are complaining publicly and loudly that the arrangement won't work, noting that Fiennes, the lead in the movie ``The English Patient,'' ``may want children.''

At hot dog contest, it's weiner lose

In a gastronomic upset, Japan's noodle-eating champ, Hirofumi Nakajima, bested two-time hot dog titlist Ed Krachie at his own game in a Coney Island mouth-off Wednesday.

Nakajima (22, 5 feet 6 inches and 144 pounds) wolfed down 23-1/4 wieners (buns included) in the allotted 12 minutes to 21 by Krachie (33, 6 feet 6 inches and 320 pounds). Nakajima was presented with a jeweled mustard-yellow belt by the International Hot Dog Federation.

``When I walked into the room and heard all those people cheering for the American; I just had to win,'' said the new champ.

``He was on his game today,'' Krachie said. ``I'm still cocky. I'm still good.''

Offbeat 

Free vasectomies crown celebration

In a rite that few American men would understand, hundreds of Thais had vasectomies Thursday to honor their king's 50th anniversary on the throne.

Thailand marked a national holiday as King Bhumibol Adulyadej turned 69, the last major event of a Golden Jubilee year that has seen a frenzy of reverence by his subjects.

In one of the stranger honors, the Population and Community Development Association, which has performed free vasectomies on the king's birthday for 17 years, bestowed mass sterility in a daylong, carnival-like event.

``A part of the reason I got the vasectomy is that it's the king's birthday and his Golden Jubilee,'' said Somdej Vanikabutra, 33, a truck driver with three children.

``It's a thing to be proud of when you remember it in the future, or when your children ask when daddy got his vasectomy,'' he said.

To Thais, the world's longest-reigning monarch symbolizes stability amid shaky civilian governments and economic uncertainty. Criticizing Bhumibol is illegal, and he is genuinely revered.

``Thais love to do good things to honor the king,'' said Dr. Apichart Nirapathpongporn of the population association. ``A vasectomy is considered a good thing because it can make families happy.''

CAPTION(S):

2 Photos

PHOTO (1) A little off the top

David Ramsey of Warwick, R.I., grooms his champion Bedlington terrier, Willow Wind Money Talks, for competition in Boston's Bay Colony Cluster Dog Show.

Associated Press

(2) John Wayne Bobbitt: Awaits flock