NEWS LITE\Forget Paris, French say in survey of cities.

The city of romance? The world's most beautiful metropolis? Forget it. Only 3 percent of the French say they want to live in Paris.

A survey released Friday showed French people would choose sunny Nice, Montpellier, Toulouse and Bordeaux over Paris if they could relocate. Even cold Grenoble at the foot of the French Alps and grim Nantes on the Atlantic coast beat out the City of Light.

But Paris was not last among Frenchmen, who chose their capital ahead of chaotic Marseille in the south and rainy Lille in the north.

The drab port of Le Havre in Normandy, Valenciennes near the Belgian border and Saint-Etienne near Lyon tied for last place.

The survey, taken for Le Pelerin magazine and television network France 3 between Dec. 5 and 7, questioned 1,003 people. No margin of error was reported, but such polls normally have an error margin of 3 to 4 percent.

Forty-six percent of Le Pelerin readers who answered the survey said they would select a small town as a place to live, with 29 percent choosing a village and 24 percent a large city.

But 20 percent responded "none of the above," apparently meaning they prefer life on the farm.

They oughta be on a leash

Animals are sensitive, too, ya two-legged morons! That's the primal scream from the animal protection group Ark Trust, based in Sherman Oaks, which issues it first "Foe-Paw" Report on prime time shows that broadcast anti-animal messages in 1995. Some selections:

"Coach" (ABC) - Two huge desert tortoises are mistakenly "set free" in the ocean, where they drown.

"Dave's World" (CBS) - Dave's family eats their pet rabbit.

"Seinfeld" (NBC) - Elaine, Kramer and Newman dognap a neighbor's barking dog, drive it to the country and dump it.

From showgirl to mistress - progress!

Hallelujah! Elizabeth Berkley finally landed another film role in this lifetime.

Berkley, pilloried for the debacle that was "Showgirls," was even dropped by her agent.

But wait None other than actress Goldie Hawn came to Berkley's rescue, Time magazine reports. Berkley got the role of Hawn's husband's mistress in the upcoming "First Wives Club."

"We have to afford people some mistakes," Hawn said of Berkley.

Bruce grins, bears it in '12 Monkeys'

The things Bruce Willis had to do for his sci-fi thriller "12 Monkeys" would make your skin crawl. "The script said, 'Bear scene,' and I thought, 'Yogi.' Then I was introduced to this huge bear named Marvin," he tells People magazine. Then there were the posterior-bearing scenes: "Man, I was cold." But that wasn't as, um, hairy as some other stuff the script called for: "Yes, I ate a live spider. As a time traveler, I had to bring back a pure form of the virus. So I chowed down. Someone dipped the spider in honey, and it wasn't half bad."

Licking his chops over 'Beersicles'

A tavern owner in Halle, Germany, has an idea for people who want to belly up and order a nice cold one - a really, really cold one.

Bernd Helbig's idea: frozen beer on a stick.

Helbig has been selling "Beersicles," a takeoff on American Popsicles, for the past several weeks at his Halle restaurant. He wants to patent them as a product called "Rolli," his late father's nickname.

Helbig says younger customers are a little skeptical of the new concoction because it tastes somewhat bitter. But older beer drinkers, he says, are "crazy about" it and have been paying up to $3.50 for the special frozen mix.

Helbig said he expects to reduce the product's price when he finds either a brewery or an ice cream company to produce it by machine.

In the meantime, Helbig has been fitting on sticks by hand and freezing it at 18-degree temperatures. He sells about 40 or 50 at a time.

And, Helbig says, the beer pop is only the beginning. He has other ideas for beer that he says are also selling well - including beer pudding, black beer jelly, and beer cream with pineapple.

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Photo Cool car Rob Robison of Mattoon, Ill., models his Mazda Miata. Robison and a friend sculpted the car from snow shoveled from the driveway after recent storms dropped about 15 inches. The sculpture took about 10 hours to assemble. Associated Press