NEWS LITE\Are Sex Pistols packin' for tour? Loaded question.

Virgin Records U.K. said Saturday that it cannot confirm reports that the surviving Sex Pistols plan to reunite this year for a tour.

"Virgin U.K. has no authority to speak on behalf of the group and has not attempted to do so on this occasion," said a statement issued by Ray Cooper, the company's deputy managing director.

"Although the company owns the rights to the Sex Pistols' back catalog, it currently has no contractual relationship with the band. Virgin U.K. wishes it to be known that it is in no position to comment on any of the suggestions contained in recent British press reports."

The Independent, a London newspaper, reported Thursday that the Sex Pistols planned to tour Europe, the United States, the Far East and Australia this year.

Eric Gardener, president of Los Angeles-based Panacea Entertainment, which manages lead singer John Lydon, said earlier that plans for marking the 20th anniversary of the band's formation were "in the embryonic stage."

With songs like "Anarchy in the U.K." and "Pretty Vacant," the Sex Pistols outraged Britain by targeting then-revered institutions such as the monarchy and beach holidays.

They oughta be on a leash

Animals are sensitive, too, ya two-legged morons! That's the primal scream from the animal protection group Ark Trust, based in Sherman Oaks, which issues it first "Foe-Paw" Report on prime time shows that broadcast anti-animal messages in 1995. Some selections:

"Coach" (ABC) - Two huge desert tortoises are mistakenly "set free" in the ocean, where they drown.

"Dave's World" (CBS) - Dave's family eats their pet rabbit.

"Seinfeld" (NBC) - Elaine, Kramer and Newman dognap a neighbor's barking dog, drive it to the country and dump it.

From showgirl to mistress - progress!

Hallelujah! Elizabeth Berkley finally landed another film role in this lifetime.

Berkley, pilloried for the debacle that was "Showgirls," was even dropped by her agent.

But wait None other than actress Goldie Hawn came to Berkley's rescue, Time magazine reports. Berkley got the role of Hawn's husband's mistress in the upcoming "First Wives Club."

"We have to afford people some mistakes," Hawn said of Berkley.

Bruce grins, bears it in '12 Monkeys'

The things Bruce Willis had to do for his sci-fi thriller "12 Monkeys" would make your skin crawl. "The script said, 'Bear scene,' and I thought, 'Yogi.' Then I was introduced to this huge bear named Marvin," he tells People magazine. Then there were the posterior-bearing scenes: "Man, I was cold." But that wasn't as, um, hairy as some other stuff the script called for: "Yes, I ate a live spider. As a time traveler, I had to bring back a pure form of the virus. So I chowed down. Someone dipped the spider in honey, and it wasn't half bad."

Licking his chops over 'Beersicles'

A tavern owner in Halle, Germany, has an idea for people who want to belly up and order a nice cold one - a really, really cold one.

Bernd Helbig's idea: frozen beer on a stick.

Helbig has been selling "Beersicles," a takeoff on American Popsicles, for the past several weeks at his Halle restaurant. He wants to patent them as a product called "Rolli," his late father's nickname.

Helbig says younger customers are a little skeptical of the new concoction because it tastes somewhat bitter. But older beer drinkers, he says, are "crazy about" it and have been paying up to $3.50 for the special frozen mix.

Helbig said he expects to reduce the product's price when he finds either a brewery or an ice cream company to produce it by machine.

In the meantime, Helbig has been fitting on sticks by hand and freezing it at 18-degree temperatures. He sells about 40 or 50 at a time.

And, Helbig says, the beer pop is only the beginning. He has other ideas for beer that he says are also selling well - including beer pudding, black beer jelly, and beer cream with pineapple.

CAPTION(S):

PHOTO

Photo Cool car Rob Robison of Mattoon, Ill., models his Mazda Miata. Robison and a friend sculpted the car from snow shoveled from the driveway after recent storms dropped about 15 inches. The sculpture took about 10 hours to assemble. Associated Press