NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS: OWENS DESERVES A T.O. FROM BEING T.O.

Byline: BILLY WITZ NFL 

It's a new year today, the traditional time to flush out the forgettable, and resolve to do better, which means the timing couldn't have been better for the Chargers and Raiders to end their seasons Saturday.

So, without further ado, if 2006 is a better, more just year, here's a list of what you'll see in the NFL in the next 365 days:

For Donovan McNabb: A career in politics. Who else could have brought Rush Limbaugh and the NAACP to an agreement?

For Robert Kraft: A cubic zirconium Super Bowl ring to show off the next time he's visiting a foreign head of state.

For Tom Benson: A conscience.

For New Orleans: A comeback.

For the NFL owners who decided to put a Super Bowl in Detroit: A question. Why?

For the NFL owners who are intent on putting a team back in Los Angeles: A question. Why?

For the Brothers Manning, Peyton and Eli, or the Brothers Peterson, Jacksonville's Mike and Chicago's Adrian: A chance to settle bragging rights at the Super Bowl.

For Terrell Owens: A T.O. from being T.O.

For Drew Rosenhaus: An answer to the question, ``What else have you done for your client besides get him fired?''

For ESPN: A break from being the Eagles Sports Programming Network.

For the Browns' next No. 1 draft pick: An insurance policy. Their last three top picks - Braylon Edwards, Kellen Winslow Jr. and Jeff Faine - all ended the season on injured reserve. The others drafted No. 1 since the team returned to Cleveland in 1999 are either out of football or playing elsewhere.

For Reggie Bush: A Texans for Bush T-shirt. Unlike the others vying for the top pick in the draft - Green Bay, New Orleans, San Francisco and the New York Jets - if he ends up in Houston, he'll pay no state income tax.

For Onterrio Smith: An endorsement deal for the Whizzinator. Says Onterrio: ``When it comes to drug tests, we put the P in pass.''

For his Vikings teammates: An endorsement deal for Viking Cruise Ships.

For Mike Tice: Super Bowl tickets as a severance gift.

For Al Davis: A phone number for Mike Martz.

For Matt Millen: A good reason why, after whiffing on two head coaches, he deserves a third strike.

For the wild-card round: Pittsburgh at New England, which should settle which of these two teams is the one nobody wants to play.

For Philip Rivers: a chance. Since he was drafted No. 4 overallnearly two years ago, the Chargers (erstwhile?) quarterback of the future has watched 19 other quarterbacks make their NFL starting debut.

For Alex Smith: Patience.

For Brett Favre: Help.

For Tedy Bruschi: Health.

For Maurice Clarett: Who?

For Michael Vick: A commercial with Ron Mexico.

For Dick Vermeil: A box of tissues for his retirement speech.

For Jay Feely: Another trip to Seattle this month. And Doug Brien's phone number just in case.

For the Panthers: An offensive line that's as hard-nosed as their cheerleaders.

For the Bears: Cheerleaders who are as hard-nosed as their offensive line.

For Randy Moss: A new calculation of the Randy Ratio. The number of coaches fired per season, 2:1. (Norv Turner, Mike Tice).

For Kirk Reynolds: Screen credits. Let's see: lesbian cheerleaders making out, players on a sex cruise and a brawl at a shooting range all made the news. And what, again, was so out-of-bounds about the former 49ers public relations director's training video?

For Bill Belichick, Bill Parcells and Tony Dungy, who in recent weeks have lost a father, a brother and a son: Comfort.

For everyone else: Peace.

CAPTION(S):

photo, 2 boxes

Photo:

Terrell Owens and his former employer, the Eagles, hope for better results next season.

Brian Bahr/Getty Images

Box:

(1) WEEK 17 CAPSULES

(2) BUMP & RUN