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NATHAN BEVAN ON THE BOX BOX.

OK, some things I've learned from BBC BBC
 in full British Broadcasting Corp.

Publicly financed broadcasting system in Britain. A private company at its founding in 1922, it was replaced by a public corporation under royal charter in 1927.
 One's The Food Inspectors this week.

Firstly, don't eat undercooked pork chops - Darren Ashall of Chorley in Lancashire had just a mouthful of one and ended up practically paralysed.

Second, don't buy your Chinese takeaway from any establishment where the rodent population outnumbers that of the kitchen staff. (Those bits of brown rice you found in your sweet and sour sweet and sour adjagridulce  the other night? Well, they weren't brown rice, let's put it that way.) Thirdly, and most importantly, don't attempt to eat your tea while watching an episode of The Food Inspectors.

I was halfway through my penne bolognese ready meal - I know, I'm quite the gourmand - when the hygiene officer from Brent council shone his torch behind the grease-caked chest freezer at one particular problem fishmongers in north London to reveal a sepia lagoon of rodent wee dotted with an archipelago of excrement excrement /ex·cre·ment/ (eks´kri-mint)
1. feces.

2. excretion (2).


ex·cre·ment
n.
Waste matter or any excretion cast out of the body, especially feces.
.

Needless to say the spotted dick I'd had lined up for dessert didn't even make it out of its packaging.

Not that it was even very safe whilst vacuum packed in polythene pol·y·thene  
n. Chiefly British
Variant of polyethylene.



[poly- + (e)th(yl)ene.
 and encased in a cardboard box.

Rats piddle everywhere, you see - although mostly in north London fishmongers it seems.

Nevertheless, care should be taken to wipe the tops of any tins and cans in your larder before you use them.

Failure to do so will increase the risk of you getting Weil's disease from a semi-incontinent Roland rat that cocked its leg over them while they were still stacked in the warehouse.

Honestly, the whole hour-long programme only just stopped short of having the words, 'salmonella', 'viral meningitis', 'dysentery' and 'gastroenteritis' coming flying out of the screen at you like those old spinning newspaper tropes that used to feature in black and white public information films from the 1950s.

And your veggies Veggies of Nottingham, also known as Veggies Catering Campaign, is a campaigning group based in Nottingham, England, promoting ethicalbum alternatives to mainstream fast food.  aren't safe either, the show delighting in informing us that E-coli is also prevalent on potatoes, carrots and most other soil-based produce.

"It's everywhere," said one cleanliness expert from inside a hermetically-sealed, anti-bacterial body suit. "It's in your drains at home, on the bottom of your shoes, in the back of the fridge, it's ubiquacious (sic)."

Indeed, the threat of infection seems to have become so scary that people are now beginning to invent new words to prove their point.

Meanwhile, over on the Beeb's The One Show, the ubiquitous (take that Mr Word Maker-Upper) nature of germs was effectively being summed up in one much shorter - but equally horrific - 10-minute piece of reportage.

In it hand samples were taken from 100 random people stopped on the street in Manchester and then sent off to be analysed.

That 30 of them came back having registered as containing faecal fae·cal  
adj. Chiefly British
Variant of fecal.

Adj. 1. faecal - of or relating to feces; "fecal matter"
fecal
 matter proved two things: one, that you don't want to play pat-a-cake at the dinner table with people from Up North, and two, that I really need to make sure I've eaten before turning on the telly of an evening.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to buff my remote to within an inch of its life with Swarfega and wire wool.

CAPTION(S):

Matt Allwright and Chris Hollins from the Food Inspectors
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:Wales On Sunday (Cardiff, Wales)
Date:Jan 13, 2013
Words:526
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