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My new £30 suit

How do I look? Work experience boy. First day at a call centre. Quite smart. Up for my first offence at the magistrates court. For crimes against fine tailoring.

Opinions are divided but there is no arguing with the latest revolution in men's fashion: the £30 supermarket suit. Tesco does one, as does Asda, which last week sold 7,000 pairs of its £7 black trousers and 1,800 of its £23 jackets.

Before they are snapped up I'm off to Asda on the Old Kent Road, a couple of miles, and a million in clothing philosophy, from Savile Row Savile Row occupies a quiet corner of Mayfair in central London near Bond Street and is famous for its men's bespoke tailoring.

Many of the greatest, most famous or most infamous men in history have patronised the many tailors that occupy this street; men such as Winston
. Fellow browser Ray Bragoli is admiring the suits. "You don't have to ever have them cleaned," he says. "You just throw them away."

A pensioner PENSIONER. One who is supported by an allowance at the will of another. It is more usually applied to him who receives an annuity or pension from the government.  noses past and recommends the £3 jeans. I rush over to look. Not bad. But could they not be a little more competitively priced? After 20 minutes living in the sixth dimension that is Asda, a £30 suit starts to seem less amazing. You can buy a DVD player A stand-alone device that plays DVDs. It contains a DVD drive and the electronics to decode the digital video. The device may play only manufactured DVDs, or it may be able to play DVD-R, DVD-RW and DVD+RW discs. DVD players are cabled to a TV or home theater system for display.  for £17.97.

I ask one of the cheery green-clad staff where the changing rooms
For other meanings, see Changing room (disambiguation).
Changing Rooms was a British television entertainment DIY show broadcast on the BBC. It is the game show that began the DIY show fad of the late 1990s.
 are. "We did have changing rooms but they took them away so it's just a question of ... " she tails off. "We'll refund anything that doesn't fit."

I pick out a blue polyester-rich shirt for £3, a silk tie for £4 and a pair of black shoes for £8. A whole outfit for £45. I throw in six pairs of "cotton rich" black socks
Not to be confused with the Black Sox Scandal in Baseball.

The Black Socks (or Black Sox) are the New Zealand national men's softball team.
 for £2 and a 10-pack of briefs for a fiver - a rare 100% cotton treat.

We may have entered a shockingly disposable era but I'm not mocking cheap clothes. I love high-street suits. The last one I voluntarily bought was £175 from Top Shop. How is Asda's so cheap? It is made in Romania, China and Bangladesh for a start. "We buy so many it puts the price down," says a spokeswoman. They also take out costs "all the way through making the suit". It is designed by their buyer not by a suit designer, which saves cash, as does "the material we've used," the spokeswoman admits.

After an hour's wear, my £7 trousers are itching. Thanks to the sheeny shee·ny 1  
Lustrous; glistening.

Noun 1. sheeny - (ethnic slur) offensive term for a Jew
hymie, kike, yid
 jacket's 100% polyester outer layer and 100% polyester lining, I am also unseasonally hot. But I am feeling warm all over after "pocketing the difference", as Asda's in-house DJ points out.

I certainly don't look a million dollars but do I look £30? From a distance, most blokes reckon it'll do. For a funeral of someone you didn't really like for instance. Sharp-eyed girls are more fussy. The polyester fails any touch test. No one will stroke me for fear of electrocution electrocution

Method of execution in which the condemned person is subjected to a heavy charge of electric current. The prisoner is shackled into a wired chair, and electrodes are fastened to the head and one leg so that the current will flow through the body.

What else can I use it for? "It goes well with our £60 wedding dress," says the spokeswoman. I'll drink - a £2.98 bottle of Asda Cava Brut Brut, Brute (both: brt), or Brutus (br  - to that.
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Date:Feb 8, 2006
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