My musical journey.

When I was very young, I had an accident and was in pain and in bed for many months. When I got better, I was very excited to be alive. I moved quickly, laughed, talked loudly and even sang my own songs. But the time in bed had set me back. I was clumsy and fell down a lot. It was the same with singing. A second grade teacher's evaluation was, "Dickie is loud, enthusiastic, but not very tuneful."

I grew up in rural Indiana. My family, for many generations, was part of a faith-based, farm-church community. In my home there was no radio, and musical instruments were not part of the culture. The particular church we attended, had somewhat broken with tradition, they included congregational singing and had a piano. As a child, the only music I experienced was unison hymn singing with no formal leader, accompanied by an enthusiastic piano.

Then there were some other events: my mother became ill, and loud, enthusiastic boys were not appreciated. Finally, when I was 10 years old, our family moved far away to another state--a new town, a new house, a new school. I was in a strange land, where small, clumsy, country boys were not appreciated. I shut all my laughter, my own music, my joy away in my "secret garden."

My family had moved to southern California. Our new town was a college town, and we attended the premier large church in the area. They had a very large pipe organ and a central choir loft above and behind the pulpit. The director was the college choral music professor, the organist was a renowned professor of organ. The Sunday choir had more than 60 voices, including many very gifted and trained singers. For the first time, I heard "music" and I loved it!

Yet, all this wonderful sound and music was up front and high quality. I was in the pews with my family. My inner voice, still remained a loud, enthusiastic, untrained child, frequently shushed and disciplined to sit still. I was in church! Finally, I learned to listen and experience the wonder of music quietly, without squirming and making a fuss.

And so it was for many, many years. I always enjoyed music and hearing singing. My wife sang very well as did both of my daughters, but the gate to my garden was shut.

Then a few years ago things happened, and I opened the gates to my musical garden--and wonder of wonders, I had changed. I had grown up. The child's sound had matured into a full, rich baritone. I spent some time with a vocal coach and experienced the wonder of expressing my feelings and joy with my own natural adult chest voice. He helped me discover I have been gifted with a fine voice with a lot of potential.

I went back to church and there was still great music to be heard. But now when I enthusiastically sang the hymns loudly I was not shushed, but complimented. Surprisingly, I was invited to sing in the choir and join in creating music for others to listen to.

However, I was faced with the somewhat daunting task of singing parts and reading notes in order to finally create the music. So, I joined the Conservatory for Music Education and began to take vocal lessons. I am still very far behind in development and training, but with the help of the school and my instructor, I may well become loud, enthusiastic and tuneful.

I find it helpful to remember that the notes on the page, the instrument or the voice are not the music. Just like a garden is not seeds, water, sun and dirt. When the artist studies, trains and practices, and when the gardener cultivates, waters and lets the sun in--then when the artist performs or sings, when the flowers bloom--there is music; there is wonder and joy!

With great "potential," I am Richard, a beginning voice student.

Richard Newlin is a beginning voice student at the Conservatory for Music Education, operated by MTNA member Roma Eicher. He was raised and educated in southern California, receiving a Ph.D. degree in business. Newlin was involved with consulting, training and business computers. He now resides in Oregon.