My Twentieth.

A teen faces surgery with fear--and hope.

I was going in for a spinal fusion--my twentieth operation. Surgery isn't something that gets easier over time.

I was born with a form of arthrogry-posis. [*] The disease has affected my heart, muscles, palate, and size.

I had my first operation when I was 3 months old. Doctors repaired two holes in my heart. Later I developed complications: My heart wouldn't beat on its own. So the doctors had to put in a pacemaker.

I had clubfeet corrected when I was 10 months old and surgery on my left foot again when I was 5. I have had five operations for my cleft palate, and one to put tubes in my ears.

A friend once asked why I have crooked fingers. "I have arthrogryposis," I said, "but I have very straight thumbs."

In grade school, it bothered me that people always asked questions about my size and the way I looked. I got tired of all the whys.

Now that I'm in middle school, it's easier because everyone knows me...

When they called my name to get dressed for surgery, I held back my tears. I was so scared I felt nauseous. My bones were as rubbery as Jell-O.

After I put on my gown, a nurse came in. I'd had her for my last surgery, and she was one of the nicest ever. She's a tall black woman, a little chunky, and very sweet.

"Everything is going to be all right," she said calmly. That made me feel better.

The anesthesiologist came in with a cherry-flavored lollipop to help me relax. It tasted nasty--like cough medicine, not candy. To get my mind off the lollipop, I continued to play cards with my parents.

The anesthesiologist wanted me to wear a mask on my nose and mouth. When I saw the mask I ran into my dad's arms and shouted, "No! No! Please, Daddy. No!"

My mom told the doctor that I was terrified of the mask.

"Please, can I have the IV [intravenous injection] instead?" I asked.

A few minutes later, the anesthesiologist and another nurse came in with the IV "I'm ready," I said, with my blanket over my head.

On the count of three, the nurse put in the IV. My hand burned. As the IV stuff went into my arm, I squeezed my mom's arm to help take the pain away.

Soon I had to say goodbye to my parents. "We love you," they said. "Everything's going to be OK." I knew from their voices that they were as scared as I was.

* Diogo

Tammy Chang, Henrico High School Center for the Arts, Richmond, Virginia

The next thing I remember is waking up in the intensive care unit. I opened my eyes and saw my friend Tabitha and her family. When I was really awake, I asked my mom if I had had the "Big One." The doctor had hoped to fuse my spine with laparoscopic surgery, but warned that he might have to open my thorax.

"Yes," she said. "You had the big one." I got goose bumps all over.

I lost a lot of blood during the surgery, so at first I was very weak. My dad had to feed me an ICEE--my favorite--with a spoon.

I was grateful for the pain medicine, because the pain was intense--like a knife going through my back. But gradually I felt well enough to go home.

Nights were hard. It seemed like the pain always got worse after the sun went down. My Aunt Mary stayed with us for a while to help out. She and my mom would give me awful-tasting shakes, since I was skinny and weak. When my mom went to bed, my aunt would stay up with me and rub my feet.

It took a while, but before I knew it, I was back to my old self, with a new scar to add to my collection. My mom calls me "Zorro" and "Shark Bite", because my big scar is in the shape of a Z and my laparoscopic holes look like I have puncture wounds from a shark bite.

I don't like having surgery a lot because of the pain. But I'm glad to live in this day and age. I'm glad that doctors are able to do something for me.

People say that I'm tough because I've had so many surgeries, but actually getting operated on makes me afraid. I'm tough because of my brother. My parents hover over me, but he treats me like an equal.

Even through everything, I don't look back too much. I just live one day at a time and accept what life gives me.

(*.) Arthrogryposis affects the joints and muscles, imparing an individual's physical development.