Messy pilgrims blamed for puzzling fossils.

PARIS, 1746. Monsieur de Voltaire this week offered a startling new theory to explain the origin of fossils, a problem that has vexed philosophers since Aristotle. In an Italian essay, the French writer proposes that fossilized bones found today in the mountains represent picnic remains left by passing pilgrims and crusaders centuries ago.

"Rotten fish were thrown away by a traveler and were petrified thereafter," says Voltaire.

The pilgrim-picnic-petrifaction hypothesis clashes with the standard prayer-book explanation that fossils are a reflection of God's powers. The Royal Office of the Fourth Estate and Public Information put out a release saying, "Monsieur de Voltaire is clever indeed, but we are not amused by his musings. If he persists, he will find himself once again ensconced in a Bastille cell, this time without his linen handkerchiefs."

Leading scientists also have weighed in on the new theory. Georges-Louis Leclerc, Comte de Buffon, called Voltaire a buffoon. "The fossils present in the Alps are not the tastiest varieties of fish and would make a poor lunch," says Buffon.

Researchers remain divided over how patterns resembling shells, shark's teeth, and other living objects made their way inside rock strata near the tops of mountains. Near the end of the last century, the English physician Martin Lister concluded that fossils are inorganic structures that grow within rocks and coincidentally bear a resemblance to living marine creatures.

Although fossil shells look superficially like living mollusks, scrutiny reveals that they are not identical to any known today. "Our English Quarry-shells were not cast in any Animal mold, whose species or race is yet to be found in being at this day," he said in a letter published in the PHILOSOPHICAL TRANSACTIONS.

Early this century, Swiss physician Johann Scheuchzer argued that fossil fish, plants, and other forms are the remains of once-living species, lofted into the mountains by the biblical flood.

There are hints of unpublished data on fossil origins compiled in the early 16th century by the master painter Leonardo da Vinci (SN: 4/23/1504). A copy of his long-hidden manuscript was recently purchased by Lord Leicester in England. According to gossip, in this Codex Leicester, Leonardo argued that the flood did not transport fossils, but rather that Earth itself is capable of moving upward. Fossils once at the bottom of the sea would then rise up to the mountains.

Contemporary researchers, however, are unwilling to comment on this theory because the manuscript is not available for peer review. Lord Leicester says simply, "For a painter, the man had horrible penmanship."

Some predict the manuscript will only come to public light when, centuries in the future, a man controlling the gates to unfathomable wealth buys it and brings the word of Leonardo to the marketplace.