Men Are From Mars, Men Are From Venus

Dear John: I'm a woman in my mid-30s, with a daughter in her tweens. I rent my home, not own, and while being there for her, I hardly ever have enough time to go around. I never thought I'd say this, but dating may be a thing of the past for me. Seriously, is there any hope for me? — Giving Up the Ghost, in Portland, Ore.

Dear Giving Up the Ghost: As with any single parent, male or female, your first priority is your relationship with your child. This does not mean, however, you cannot, or should not, have other relationships. It means your other relationships should be accepting and accommodating of your primary relationship. The soul mate you find will understand this.

Many single parents feel they don't have the time or money to spend on seeking a soul mate. This is not true. You should make the time. Your child's happiness swings in tandem with your own. Consider doing something for yourself, by yourself or with others, at least one night a week. Choose activities that are of interest, and put yourself in front of others with similar interests.

For example, join a softball or tennis league, or consider joining a gym. If you have an interest in, say, jazz — go to festivals or by a subscription ticket to a jazz society. As far as expenses go, not all activities come with a price tag; many activities are free. And if it's something you enjoy, build it into your monthly budget.

The question is: Will your child be accepting of your new relationships? There may be some initial trepidation, but remember: As she gets older, she, too, will be expanding her circle of peer relationships. You should welcome this, as it is an important step in her own maturing process. The bottom line is this: Your child's happiness is tied to your own. Do what you can to fulfill your own dreams. As your sense of happiness rises, hers will, too.

Dear John: Now that I'm back in the dating game, the realization has hit me once again that I haven't a clue why women do the things they do. I met this woman who is renting my neighbor's apartment. We became friendly, flirted some, and she gave me for her phone number. Our schedules were very different, and we never got together.

After five months, I ran into her again, but she gave me the cold shoulder. I'm sure it was because I never found the time to call. My lame excuse to her was I'd lost her number. But I could tell she thought I was avoiding her. How do I make amends? — Timing is Everything, in Columbus, Ohio

Dear Timing: She's obviously attracted to you. What you have to do now is hope she gives you the benefit of the doubt.

Pick up the phone and call her. If she lays any guilt trips on you, take it like a man: Apologize profusely, say you want to make it up to her — and live up to that promise. Lasting relationships are built through both partners' respectful consideration of each other's personal and professional needs. If both of you can make allowances for this and other considerations that come to light, your mutual attraction may well have the chance to move to a place that works for both of you.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 JOHN GRAY'S MARS VENUS ADVICE

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