Meanwhile in America.Nothing like gaining altitude for getting tight with total strangers, and on a 737 out of Phoenix, Stevie and I are bonding fast. THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A $3,500 JOB AND A $10,000 JOB. MAN, YOU CAN TELL! [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Stevie, a construction contractor, isn't comparing garage-door installations. He's keeping up a running assessment, seasoned by years in LA, on the verisimiltude of the "racks" on various female passengers. I PREFER 'EM NATURAL. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] We all do, Stevie! We don't want fakes or phonies! Which is my way of leading Stevie toward a subject that's nearer and dearer to my well paying editors at 'The Washington Monthly'--namely the 2004 presidential hopefuls. Politicians? Now I've really got Stevie wound up! BUSH HAS TWO FINE LOOKING DAUGHTERS. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] This is almost my cue cue, n a stimulus that determines or may prompt the nature of a person's response. cue Psychology Any sensory stimulus that evokes a learned patterned response. See Conditioning. to give up on Stevie and turn for political discourse to my other row-mate, a teenager in a serious hard-rock trance trance (trans) a sleeplike state of altered consciousness marked by heightened focal awareness and reduced peripheral awareness. trance n. , when-- YOU THINK HILARY IS GOING TO RUN? [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] I jump at the opening. Apparently not, I tell him. And did you ever vote for her husband? SURE DID ... BUT THIS LAST TIME I VOTED FOR BUSH. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] YOU DIDN'T LIKE GORE? GORE WAS AN IDIOT. GORE AN IDIOT? GORE??!! AND BUSH? BUSH STOLE THE LAST ELECTION. NOT LETTING THOSE VOTES COUNT? THAT WAS MAFIA STUFF. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] But does that analysis trouble Stevie? Au contraire! BUSH KICKED ASS FOR THE PRESIDENCY. HE DID WHAT IT TOOK. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Ladies and gentlemen, the peanuts pea·nut n. 1. A prostrate southern Brazilian plant (Arachis hypogaea) widely cultivated in tropical and warm temperate regions, having yellow flowers on stalks that bend over so that the seed pods ripen underground. 2. have arrived, and let me take this opportunity to come clean ... I'M NOT ONE OF YOU! [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] I'M AN ALIEN! A FOREIGNER Foreigner All institutions and individuals living outside the United States, including US citizens living abroad, and branches, subsidiaries, and other affiliates abroad of US banks and business concerns; also central governments, central banks, and other official institutions of ! (DON'T WORRY. I'VE BEEN THOROUGHLY SECURITY-CHECKED FOR THIS FLIGHT. SHOES OFF! TONGUE OUT! THE WORKS! [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] I'm perfectly legal, too. Holding a Green Card since 1975. So why, you ask suspiciously, haven't I applied for citizenship in the Land of the free? WELL, LAZINESS, Y'KNOW. AND FRANKLY THERE AREN'T MANY DRAWBACKS TO RESIDING HERE WITHOUT CITIZENSHIP. EXCEPT I CAN'T VOTE. BUT I'M ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO SAY IT NEVER MATTERS WHO'S ELECTED. GORE OR BUSH? WHAT'S THE DIFF diff - /dif/ 1. A change listing, especially giving differences between (and additions to) different versions of a piece of source code or documentation (the term is often used in the plural "diffs"). "Send me your diffs for the Jargon File!" Compare vdiff. 2. ? [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Now, of course, I'm begging forgiveness from the gods of democracy and praying desperately that Bush gets the boot in 2004. ... PLEASE ... HASN'T HE TAKEN HIS FARCE farce, light, comic theatrical piece in which the characters and events are greatly exaggerated to produce broad, absurd humor. Early examples of farce can be found in the comedies of Aristophanes, Plautus, and Terence. AS FAR AS IT CAN GO? [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Isn't Stevie troubled, too? What about the war with Iraq? WELL, THEY BLEW UP THE TWIN TOWERS, BUT WE HAVEN'T FOUND THOSE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION Weapons that are capable of a high order of destruction and/or of being used in such a manner as to destroy large numbers of people. Weapons of mass destruction can be high explosives or nuclear, biological, chemical, and radiological weapons, but exclude the means of transporting or . Well, he's half-troubled. (And half wrong, too, but let's skip it.) [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Iraq notwithstanding, Stevie likes how Bush is steering the country. He likes the tax cuts ... AND I LIKE IT THAT MORE PEOPLE ARE WORKING. Which proves that Stevie and I have been reading different newspapers, or that one of us has been looking at the same graphs upside-down. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] But he's working, and that's good because his rent is high--more than $1,300 a month. Paying that is worthwhile-- 'CAUSE WHEN I STEP OUT OF THE DOOR, I DON'T SEE ANY BLACK PEOPLE. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] My friends, let's all admit that we have latent Hidden; concealed; that which does not appear upon the face of an item. For example, a latent defect in the title to a parcel of real property is one that is not discoverable by an inspection of the title made with ordinary care. Ashcroftist fantasies. And one of mine is to throw my pal Stevie into a re-education camp. But that's not how it usually works in the aforementioned a·fore·men·tioned adj. Mentioned previously. n. The one or ones mentioned previously. aforementioned Adjective mentioned before Adj. 1. Land of the Free. Instead-- I SIMPLY HAVE TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR BEING A SMARTER PERSON THAN YOU. * * In the interest of safety and good health, not actually said in his presence. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] I decided to make amends AMENDS. A satisfaction, given by a wrong doer to the party injured for a wrong committed. 1 Lilly's Reg. 81. 2. By statute 24 Geo. II. c. 44, in England, and by similar statutes in some of the United States, justices of the peace, upon being notified of an for my past scoffing at the electoral process and undo To restore the last editing operation that has taken place. For example, if a segment of text has been deleted or changed, performing an undo will restore the original text. Programs may have several levels of undo, including being able to reconstruct the original data for all edits whatever damage Stevie is allowed to do in the name of democracy. THIS UNION SHALL DERIVE THE FULL WEIGHT AND BENEFIT OF MY VOICE. I HEREBY PLEDGE TO APPLY FOR CITIZENSHIP AND OBTAIN THE FRANCHISE. In short, I shall cancel out Verb 1. cancel out - wipe out the effect of something; "The new tax effectively cancels out my raise"; "The `A' will cancel out the `C' on your record" wipe out Stevie's vote by casting my own. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] |
|
||||||||||||||
Printer friendly
Cite/link
Email
Feedback
Reader Opinion