Meanwhile in America.Why do I keep getting mail from ex-governor Howard Dean Howard Brush Dean III (born November 17, 1948) is an American politician and physician from the U.S. state of Vermont, and currently the chairman of the Democratic National Committee, the central organ of the Democratic Party at the national level. , whose run for office collapsed weeks ago? ARGGHH! ANOTHER LETTER FROM S. BURLINGTON, VERMONT Burlington is the largest city in the U.S. state of Vermont and is the shire town of Chittenden County, Vermont. With a population of 38,889, the city is the core of one of the nation's smaller metropolitan areas, and is also the smallest U.S. . FOR THIS I PUT OUT MY BACK? Y'GIVE A GUY 100 BUCKS AND--WHAT?--HE BECOMES YOUR CANDIDATE FOR LIFE? [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Somehow I haven't had the heart to open the letters Dean has sent me since Iowa and New Hampshire New Hampshire, one of the New England states of the NE United States. It is bordered by Massachusetts (S), Vermont, with the Connecticut R. forming the boundary (W), the Canadian province of Quebec (NW), and Maine and a short strip of the Atlantic Ocean (E). ended our relationship. BUT I HAVEN'T HAD THE HEART TO THROW THEM OUT, EITHER. It's like getting letters from a girlfriend you've given the boot. Reading 'em is only going to make you feel guilty--especially if you've found someone new. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Ahh ... election-time romance! Now I'm in john Kerry's bed. SURE I'M SLUTTING AROUND. I DON'T KNOW Don't know (DK, DKed) "Don't know the trade." A Street expression used whenever one party lacks knowledge of a trade or receives conflicting instructions from the other party. ABOUT YOU, BUT CHANGING CANDIDATES MAKE ME FEEL SORTA SORTA Southwest Ohio Regional Transit Authority (Cincinnati area bus service) LIKE ONE OF THOSE 1970'S SWINGERS--IT'S ALL ABOUT ME AND HAVING MY "NEEDS" SATISFIED. And right now my needs are all about removing Bush and fumigating the White House. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Okey, Dean was a real infatuation, but there's no use crying over split candidate. I'm like all the other people who've jumped over to Kerry and are high on his "electibility." HE WON THE WAR IN VIETNAM. AND LATER EH WAS AGAINST IT. HE'S TALL. HE CAN BET BUSH. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Yes! He can beat Bush! Or that's what we're telling each other. Kerry's "electibility" is our Ecstacy. It's got us hot! And we can almost taste the White House. Finnaly Bush looks like he could crumble. We're noticing more and more hairline hair·line n. The outline of the growth of hair on the head, especially across the front. cracks in his no-longer-smirking facade. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] On a recent plane out of Potland, for example, I sat next to a guy returning to his Orange County home and Little League games, who told me-- I VOTED FOR BUSH BEFORE, BUT THE ARROGANCE OF HIS ADMINISTRATION IS BEYOND THE PALE. NO WONDER THE REST OF THE WORLD HATES US. --and that was coming from a Republican banker. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] YES, SIR! I FEEL I'M GONNA GET LUCKY THIS YEAR. DEAN LET ME GET BUT KERRY'S TAKING ME ALL THE WAY! [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] So when I flipped on the set one Sunday morning Sunday Morning may refer to:
 This page is currently protected from editing until (UTC) or until disputes have been resolved. about to open this mouth, I suddenly felt all my election hopes flash before my eyes. DON'T DO IT, RALPH! FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON'T RUN! But he wasn't listening to me or to anybody else. He was announcing his candidacy for president. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] I'd supported Nader in 2000, and I'd never quite bought the blather that he had pulled the rug from under Gore, but this time ... this time ... RALPH! RALPH! TELL US YOU'RE JOKING [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] A few nights later my pal Ken set me straight ... WHY SHOULDN'T NADER RUN? WHY IS HE RESPONSIBLE FOR PRESERVING THE HOLD OF THE TWO-PARTY SYSTEM? ANYWAY, I DONT DONT Disturbing Opponents' No Trump DONT Disturb Opponents' NoTrump (Bridge game) DONT Double Openers No-Trump (bridge bidding system) LIKE WHERE THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY HAS GONE IN THE LAST 20 YEARS. NADER STANDS FOR THINGS I BELIEVE IN. And, I gotta admit, he stands for things I believe in, too, things that make my heart flutter. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] But I'm too sober now to chase true love in politics, I'm even too sober to chase a tantalizing tan·ta·lize tr.v. tan·ta·lized, tan·ta·liz·ing, tan·ta·liz·es To excite (another) by exposing something desirable while keeping it out of reach. infatuation like Howard Dean. I'm sending my flowers to Kerry, that frumpy frump n. 1. A girl or woman regarded as dull, plain, or unfashionable. 2. A person regarded as colorless and primly sedate. matron of the Senate, who strangely, makes the anti-Bush crowd mad with lust. BUT NOT LUST FOR HIM. WE'RE JUST USING HIM FOR HIS WAR RECORD [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Meanwhile, there are those letters of Dean's to consider. Perhaps I should open one. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Oh dear! It's worse than I thought! He wants money to pay off his campaign debt. PLEASE HOWARD THIS THING BETWEEN IS OVER! [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] It's over and I'm writing another check to you. You've guilted me out of another $50. NOW LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME LOVE AGAIN. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] |
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