Meanwhile in America.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with bad news--Johnny Cash is dead.

BILL, GEORGE, ANYONE BUT YOU JOHNNY!

I'm moving back to my old stomping grounds--Portland, Oregon.

All the way up I-5 I fiddle with the radio dial, but I go 500 miles before I luck in to Cash's deep, rich baritone.

FINALLY!

HEY LOOK A YONDER COMIN' ... COMIN' DOWN THAT RAILROAD TRACK ...

I perk up, hopeful again. The voice, if not the man, is still with us ...

IT'S THE ORANGE BLOSSOM SPECIAL BRINGING MY BABY BACK ...

I bet the burger-flippin,' ketchup-squirtin' side of George W. Bush like Johnny Cash, too, and I wouldn't begrudge him the pleasure--though it's hard to imagine President Tax-Cut-To-The-Cheneys listening very closely to the Man In Black's signature song--

I WEAR THE BLACK FOR THE POOR AND THE BEATEN DOWN LIVING IN THE HOPELESS, HUNGRY SIDE OF TOWN ...

On the first night in my new, lonesome apartment, my old pal Rich drops by to bid me a warm welcome. We gather around a bottle of whisky--my only piece of furniture at the moment--and discuss music, life, and the current administration.

IT'S HARD TO IMAGINE A PRESIDENT SO RELENTLESSLY AWFUL.

Welcome to Oregon, which had the highest unemployment rate in the last two and a half years, and isn't particularly amenable to Mr. Bush.

And it's here in urban Portland that Bush draws the most heat. Sometimes I throw out his name just to marvel at the savaging it gets.

DID YOU HEAR BUSH'S SPEECH TO THE U.N.?

I CAN'T LISTEN TO HIM. I TUNED IN TO THE POST-SPEECH ANALYSIS ON THE RADIO, BUT I PHYSICALLY CAN'T LISTEN TO HIM.

The Original George Bush, George W.'s pappy, used to face such rowdy protects in Portland that he dubbed it "Little Beirut."

Meanwhile, I'm rediscovering my old favorite places, and in one dive where they still call you "honey," I get an earful from a waitress about the President's most recent fundraising toe-dipping into town.

HOW MUCH WAS IT TO HAVE LUNCH WITH HIM? $2,000 A PLATE?

HE'S COLLECTED THE BIGGEST ELECTION WAR CHEST KNOWN TO MAN.

$3.95 A PLATE

HE'S NOT WELCOME HERE.

HAVE YOU SEEN THAT MOVIE 'JFK'?

IT'S JUST THE SAME PEOLE 30, 40 YEARS DOWN THE ROAD ... THE C.I.A. AND MAFIA WORKING TOGETHER.

THERE'S NO INTEGRITY.

I mention Howard Dean to her, but she hasn't heard of him. In fact, she can't name a single Democratic candidate, but blurts out, "Anyone but Bush."

BUSH IS SENDING OUR YOUNG PEOPLE OVER THERE TO FIGHT.

FOR WHAT?

SO HE CAN MAKE MONEY?

I HAVE THREE SONS, AND I TOLD EVERYONE OF THEM, IF YOU EVEN THINK OF GOING INTO THE MILITARY, I'LL HOGTIE YOU AND THROW YOU IN THE BASEMENT.

I push Dean on her again because of his opposition to the war and ... because, well, he's the current rage for anyone who doesn't want to see the already rancid Bush administration sitting around a minute beyond its January 2005 expiration date.

HERE. THERE'S AN ARTICLE ABOUT DEAN IN THE PAPER. YOU CAN KEEP IT.

I'LL HAVE TO READ, THAT.

I'm feeling good about myself. I'm in the opposition and spreading the word ... but ...

... but can I promise her that Dean or any of the other Democratic contenders would bring "integrity" to the White House?

In this race, I gotta admit, "integrity" barely registers with me as a political attribute.

I'm sizing up the Democratic candidates as little more than crude instruments of the Bush administration destruction. If I want "integrity," I know where I can turn.

... TILL WE START TO MAKE A MOVE TO MAKE A FEW THINGS RIGHT, YOU'LL NEVER SEE ME WEAR A SUIT OF WHITE ...