McCORMICK'S QUICK TAKES ON SENTIMENTAL JOURNEYS.

The Twelve Chairs (Universal Marion Pictures, 1970). Set in 1927, there are traces of It's a Mad, I Mad, Mad, Mad World in this Mel Brooks farce about a treasure hunt gone amok.

Lowly file clerk I. M. Vorobyaninov (Ron Moody) plays an aristocrat in czarist Russia. Learning that the family fortune was hidden in one of a dozen dining chairs now scattered throughout the country, he sets off on a madcap quest, filled with dreams of recovered glory.

Unfortunately, a greedy priest (Dom DeLuise) and a cynical student (Frank Langella) are also on the hunt for the lost wealth.

Things do not go well for our bumbling trio, but Mr. Brooks lets the audience inherit more than a couple of laughs. ** 1/2

The Maltese Falcon (Warner Brothers, 1941). In John Huston's version of Dashiell Hammett's classic hard-boiled detective story, the relic in question is a black bird that's supposed to be covered with a bucketful of jewels.

Tough guy Sam Spade (Humphrey Bogart) has to sort through Brigid O'Shaughnessy's (Mary Astor) lies and dodge the Fat Man's (Sydney Greenstreet) bullets and hirelings if he's going to figure out what all the fuss about "the dingus" is.

Fortunately for us, Bogie dispatches the bad guys (and girl) and solves the caper while providing audiences with a slew of one-liners that have proven to be infinitely more priceless and enduring than a jewel-encrusted falcon. ****

Return to Me (MGM, 2000). It's hard to imagine a more sentimental object than the human heart, and in Bonnie Hunt's romantic comedy, Chicago waitress Grace Briggs (Minnie Driver) gets a valentine transplant, inheriting the heart of Bob Rueland's (David Duchovny) wife.

There are, of course, complications when the widowed Duchovny falls for the recovered Driver and discovers that she's carrying a very familiar pound of flesh.

But love, it turns out, is bigger than the heart. Particularly enjoyable in this film are the antics of Driver's lovable circle of "uncles," led by Carroll O'Connor and Robert Loggia. *** 1/2

Accordion Grimes (Scribner, 1997). Like the film The Red Violin, Annie Proulx's novel pieces together a dozen or so tales by following the story of a musical instrument through a series of disparate owners.

Beginning with its creation in 1890 by a Sicilian immigrant, Proulx tracks the century-long migration of an accordion from one community of outsiders and immigrants to another. Better suited to moving among society's gypsies and foreigners than a violin or piano, Proulx's squeeze box helps her capture the distinctive urban, ethnic, and down-home flavors of those who have not yet melted into the suburban blender.

Through Proulx's insight and sympathy, we can feel and taste the sweat and tears each set of owners has spilled over this ancient hand-me-down instrument. *** 1/2