May the force be brand extension.'GEORGE Lucas announced that he'll convert all six 'Star Wars' movies to 3-D and re-release them one per year starting in 2007."--Entertainment Weekly In addition to the 3-D versions, the following is the "Star Wars" re-release schedule for the next 50 years: 2014: "The Empire Strikes Back" is re-released with all footage of Harrison Ford as Han Solo Han Solo is a character in the Star Wars universe. He was played by Harrison Ford in , , The Star Wars Holiday Special, and . In the first released Star Wars digitally removed. This necessitates certain plot changes. For example, instead of Han Solo being frozen, the film's climax has Darth Vader filling up an ice-cube tray. 2015: To ensure the films remain packed with the most state-of-the-art technology, all six "Star Wars" movies are re-released with new scenes featuring C-3PO bickering bick·er intr.v. bick·ered, bick·er·ing, bick·ers 1. To engage in a petty, bad-tempered quarrel; squabble. See Synonyms at argue. 2. with the Sharper Image Faux Suede OttoMan 2.0 Human-Touch Calf and Foot Massager. 2017: "Star Wars" is re-released in an environmentally friendly version: The gas-guzzling Millennium Falcon is replaced by a Toyota hybrid Prius, the locale of the trash-compactor scene is changed to a recycling center, and the legion of Storm Troopers are replaced by college kids with clipboards badgering people to give money to Greenpeace. 2018: After breaking into Mike Nichols' home, Lucas re-releases "Attack of the Clones" incorporating the nude footage of Natalie Portman cut from "Closer." 2019: Peeved peeve tr.v. peeved, peev·ing, peeves To cause to be annoyed or resentful. See Synonyms at annoy. n. 1. A vexation; a grievance. 2. that "Titanic" is still the top-grossing movie of all time, Lucas replaces John Williams' "Star Wars" score with a continuous loop of Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On." 2021: Deciding to have Yoda reject the concept of the Force in favor of Kabbalah kabbalah or cabala (both: kăb`ələ) [Heb.,=reception], esoteric system of interpretation of the Scriptures based upon a tradition claimed to have been handed down orally from Abraham. in "Attack of the Clones," Lucas digitally adds a red-string bracelet to the Jedi master's left wrist. 2025: Lucas re-releases "Return of the Jedi" with every character dressed in the bikini Princess Leia wore at Jabba the Hut's place. Including Jabba. 2030: "The Empire Strikes Back" is re-released in its original form, with the exception of a one-second scene featuring 350 new characters standing around in an intergalactic in·ter·ga·lac·tic adj. Being or occurring between galaxies: intergalactic space. in tavern chatting idly. (Action figures available from Hasbro.) 2032: Worried that people now view the kiss on the lips in "Stars Wars" between siblings Princess Leia and Luke Skywalker as incestuous in·ces·tu·ous adj. 1. Of, involving, or suggestive of incest. 2. Having committed incest. , Lucas digitally inserts himself in Luke's place. 2034: Concerned that the quality of the acting wasn't quite how he'd initially envisioned it in the first trilogy, Lucas re-releases "Star Wars," "The Empire Strikes Back" and "Return of the Jedi" with Mark Hamill replaced by Jared from the Subway commercials. 2037: To boost his claim that he's an independent filmmaker, Lucas re-releases "Return of the Jedi" with a new 30-minute subplot sub·plot n. 1. A plot subordinate to the main plot of a literary work or film. Also called counterplot, underplot. 2. A subdivision of a plot of land, especially a plot used for experimental purposes. of Han Solo and Chewbacca tasting wine, meeting women and enjoying each other's company on a trip through the Santa Barbara area. 2041: While denying he's privy to any percentage of the merchandising profits, Lucas re-releases "The Empire Strikes Back" featuring a scene of Boba Fett announcing he's quitting the bounty hunter Name for a category of persons who are offered a promised gratuity in return for "hunting" down and capturing or killing a designated target, usually a person or animal. life and then whipping up a batch of Hasbro Easy-Bake My Little Pony cookies. 2048: Thanks to new holographic See holographic storage. technology, the films of the second trilogy are re-released in versions that allow Jar Jar Binks Jar Jar Binks (born c. 50 BBY) is a fictional character from the Star Wars Prequels, , and . Named by George Lucas' son[1], his primary role was intended to provide comic relief — based on his gangly way of walking and his unique accent — but he ended up to sit next to theatergoers and talk over all the scenes he's not in. 2055: The 111-year-old Lucas, realizing that all special-effects, 3-D and actors of any sort have diluted his original vision, re-releases "Star Wars" now simply featuring himself shouting out random lines from the script as he's fitted for a straightjacket. Mark Bazer is a syndicated columnist. |
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