Mark Van de Walle's hot list.

In the future one box, one cable, will do and be everything - answerphone, personal banker, home computer with Internet access, television (with 500 channel satellite downlink). You'll have to give Bill Gates all your money to get it, but by then money will probably have Bill's bespectacled mug on it anyway.

You've already witnessed the first steps toward this if you've caught MSNBC, the Microsoft/NBC cable news and Internet joint venture (complete with a fawning Bill Clinton on its less than scintillating inaugural broadcast). You may also have heard the rustling of sheets, as various communication companies and media conglomerates raced Into bed with one another in the wake of the Telecommunications Act; they are hoping to give birth to The All-In-One Box, too, preferably (from their point of view and maybe yours) before Gates does.

For now, however, your TV and your computer are reduced to looking longingly at one another across the room. But, like most frustrated lovers, they can still talk about each other; here's a few places to listen in.

THE ULTIMATE TV SHOW LIST (http://tvnet.com /UTVL): I'd like to declare a moratorium on the use of the word "ultimate" to describe anything on the Net. Mostly this "list" is a gateway to TV on the Web: you punch in the name of your favorite show, and it gives you a sat of related links. The really amazing thing is that almost every show ever made, no matter how obscure, has produced a fan devoted enough to create a Website for it. From here, you can explore the Ultimate TV Network site, which has Information on all things televisual, including worldwide listings for shows - cyber TV Guide.

AS SEEN ON TV (http://www.asontv.com/): It slices, it dices, it juliennes like a pro: it's the site for anyone who ever really wanted a set of Ginsu knives, or stayed up way past their bedtime watching infomercials. You can check out such classics as Ambervision shades, two different ab machines ("tight tummy with no sit-ups!"), and a bunch of other amusingly useless Junk; archives tell you about what you may have missed on TV. They also have "Blue Light Specials"; and if you're feeling particularly reckless, you can even place an online order.

CELEBRITY DEATHS (http://www.tezcat.com /~nurse/DEATH.shtml): not everyone on TV is a celebrity, but all celebrities are on TV (which Is why this page makes this list); when they die, they enter a different order of immortality. This Is the site for the lowdown on famous dead people, providing information on how, where, and when they died. I like it because of the fun death facts, because of the great little skull and tombstone graphics, and because I have a morbid streak.

CHOMSKY ARCHIVE AND IPA (http://www.lbbs. org/) and IPA (http://carmen.artsci.washington.edu/propaganda/contents.htm#intr o): the really important thing to remember about television Is that, regardless of how much you love it, it doesn't love you back. And like most feckless lovers, it will do anything, including lying like mad, to get what it wants. Linguist and professional Cassandra Noam Chomsky has, along with the Institute for Propaganda Analysis, spent years pointing out this vital and too often overlooked fact. The IPA analyzes various types of propaganda, while the Chomsky site archives a selection of his speeches and papers on exactly why TV (and the rest of the media) can't be trusted.

GILLIGAN'S ISLAND PAGE (http://www.lookup.com/homepages/58181/homea.html): Sherwood Schwartz, the man who brought the world both The Brady Bunch and Gilligan's Island, Is one of the true, if somewhat under-appreciated, geniuses of our age. Judging from the list of celebs who belong to the Gilligan's Island Fan Club, a lot of people have finally caught on. At this site, you can join fellow Castaway aficionados in checking out Gilligan minutiae: photos of the cast at various stages of their careers; complete filmographies; synopses of every single episode; a map of the Island showing the locations of Gilligan's fabulous adventures. There are also sound files for the most beloved theme song of all time, with lyrics provided. But it's up to you to decide If the show really was an allegory of the Seven Deadly Sins.

Mark Van de Walle is a frequent contributor to Artforum.