Mad corn disease? A first person narrative. (Vegetarian Journal's 2001 Essay Winners).

He staggered into the room, weary from his recent journey over the Atlantic, but jovial nonetheless. After exchanging greetings and small talk over hors d'oeuvres, Grog Butler, the 70-year-old director of the International School, took his seat at our table for a true St. Patrick's Day feast. I immediately delved into the corned beef with fixin's with no thought to what I was eating, when I heard Mr. Butler make a somewhat odd comment. "I'm a vegetarian, but I'll have some beef please ..." he said, the combination of age and British upbringing characterizing his voice. At first I labeled him in my mind as some kind of hippie who didn't eat meat in protest of the treatment of the Sub-Saharan Blue tree squirrel or something. After a moment of thought, however (and seeing him demolish the corned beef faster than I could say, "Mad cow disease"), I realized that Butler was no more vegetarian than I was. He was simply a British vegetarian, meaning that he did not eat meat while in the good ole U of K, but readily devoured a corned beef sandwich once on American soil. His reasoning has nothing to do with culture, ethics, religion, world hunger, or the environment. It is simply a hazard to eat meat in England.

Mad cow disease and foot and mouth disease are only a few of the scourges making it impossible for carnivores to live in the British Isles. A whole host of bugs and viruses are working their way through the farms of England, Scotland, Ireland, and Wales. And even though Grog Butler gets the opportunity to enjoy a hearty steak while he's visiting Uncle Sam, that may not be a safe bet for long. Who's to say that diseases from the UK can't spread all the way over here to America? They've already got trouble over in France and Germany and other European countries. If they've got mad cow, who's to say one of the mad ones didn't wander over to Switzerland, or Italy, or Spain? Who's to say one of them didn't get shipped over to Africa to be bred or slaughtered? Who's to say a contaminated steak didn't reach China or Korea by airplane? And who's to say that filet mignon served in first class on the United flight from Seoul to LA isn't contaminated?

There is no way to ensure that mad cow and other deadly meat diseases do not reach America. Greg Butler may be safe now, but the spread is inevitable. Vegetables may be the only way to go soon. We may be more appreciative of our broccoli burgers and Tofurky, washed down with soymilk. The trick is to foresee this catastrophe, and start stock-piling soy products now, before it's too late.

Before taking my next bite of corned beef, I stared at the sinewy red flesh that I was about to consume, and I saw my life in 25 years after the onset of mad cow disease, and I realized that life as a vegetable (no pun intended), looked rather dim. I decided to take Butler's philosophy to the next level, simply for health reasons. I deliberately laid down the hunk of meat I had skewered on the tip of my fork, and I slowly mouthed eleven syllables I thought I would never utter: "Please pass the cauliflower and lima beans...."

Daniel Seeman, 15 yrs
Berkeley, CA