Mac's does the smoking porch right.

Byline: BEST OF ... by The Register-Guard

Team Best of ... does not smoke, as far as you know. But when we feel like sneaking a puff, well, then, we do have our favorite spots when it comes to Eugene nightlife.

Not that we're recommending you frequent these spots and hang with these losers, because smoking is bad for your health. And it makes you stink.

Actually, smokers are not really losers; they're just people like you and us. People who enjoy pleasure. Hedonists.

Hedonists who smell.

So ask yourself this: WWJCD? Yes, What Would Joe Camel Do if he came to Eugene, where smoking is no longer allowed inside public venues? Where would he go to sneak a puff during the wet, soggy months of an Oregon winter?

Would he want to feel entrapped, with all that poisonous blue smoke encircling his big dumb snout? Infiltrating his cool, black leather jacket? Or would he want to indulge in a space that is as open and free as the Sahara?

We - and we remind you that we do not smoke - think the latter.

So although places such as Good Times, Cafe Soriah, the Horsehead, Sam Bond's and the Old Pad all have better than average outdoor smoking venues, they're all fenced in. And although Luna and the North Bank are not fenced in, those places all feel a tad too restrictive. They're not as convenient for making a quick dash and escaping the gaze of a spouse, or a significant other, or your mother or father, or whomever might be lurking inside the establishment with a disapproving gaze.

Not at Mac's at the Vet's Club.

There, you can puff away behind the great white wall of that old colonial-style building and drift around the side, too, sneaking toward the parking lot on the building's other side, if need be.

Smokers who risk heart attacks and emphysema and stroke and slowly but surely give their lungs a nice black coat of gnarl can enjoy the nice long strip of pavement that is Mac's at the Vet's patio. And, if you're lucky enough to have one too many and fall out of your patio chair, you can enjoy the pleasure of stabbing yourself with one of the many rose bushes that lend beauty to the property.

Not to mention setting your hair on fire when your cig flies out of your hand.

Those rose bushes are only out during the warm months of spring and summer, you know. But during January and February, you can rest assured that you won't end up with your cigarette filter frozen to your lips, because Mac's usually has one or two Mr. Heaters ready to set your coat on fire, if not your hair.

Yes, they're premium-quality portable heaters; radiant, forced air with enough propane gurgling below to send you, and your toupee (yeah, we saw you buddy) and Joe Camel flying sky-high.

Just be sure to pop a breath mint.

Surgeon general's warning: Best of ... may be bad for your health. Especially if you're pregnant. Read the archive with caution at www.registerguard.com /bestof.

BEST OUTDOOR SMOKING VENUE

Mac's at the Vet's Club

Where: 1626 Willamette St.

CAPTION(S):

Patrons at Mac's at the Vet's Club light up in the best outdoor smoking area for comfort and ambience in wintertime.