MOTHER KNOWS FIRST LADY BEST; DOROTHY RODHAM PROUD OF HER DAUGHTER, GRANDDAUGHTER.

Byline: Trude B. Feldman

ON this Mother's Day, the mom of America's first lady reflects on how she raised Hillary Rodham Clinton and the example her daughter is setting for mothers around the world.

In an exclusive interview, Dorothy Howell Rodham relates personal glimpses of Hillary's childhood. She also tells me of her satisfaction in seeing her efforts reflected in America's first daughter. Chelsea, now 17, just enrolled in Stanford University.

``Chelsea is also an academic achiever,'' Dorothy Rodham says. ``I admire her. She is already trying to understand other people's struggles. She wants them to be able to fulfill their potential and wants to help them do that. She is learning this from Hillary.''

While Dorothy Rodham expresses pride in Hillary's various achievements, she laments the public's perception of her daughter, who, in her view, is working to make a positive difference in the world. She sees her daughter as the personification of the values by which Hillary was raised, but does not recognize her today - in what she hears and reads about the first lady.

Asked what she'd like the world to know about Hillary, Dorothy Rodham responds: ``I wish everyone could know Hillary like I do. Then people would know the depth of her character and the sweetness of her nature. She has so much to give as a thoughtful, articulate and competent woman who listens to other people's viewpoints and cares about their problems. She has a sense of her own uniqueness and has always valued herself. She doesn't live for instant gratification. She cares about her spiritual as well as her physical being, and good health habits are important to her. She is well-trained academically and well-armed with good sense, self-esteem and wit.''

Dorothy Rodham says that, unfortunately, Hillary's warmth and keen sense of humor come across better in one-on-one situations and in small group conversations.

``Some people seem to resent that she has it all,'' Dorothy Rodham says. ``But she is capable of doing many things well, and maybe that brings envy. But her goal has always been to do something worthwhile with her life.''

Hillary's main fault, according to her mother, is that her expectations of others are sometimes disappointed because she assumes they have the same high standards and competence as she does.

``She is too tolerant about letting other people encroach on her time,'' Dorothy Rodham says. ``They take her time for their own particular purposes and don't understand that she needs most of her time for the people's business. That leaves less time for personal or family matters. Although she has enormous patience and energy, I worry that even her vitality could be drained.''

What other concerns does Dorothy Rodham have today about her daughter?

``Well, I never worried about her until recently,'' she responds. ``Why now? Because I am hurt by all the rumors and charges and ridiculous falsehoods spoken and printed about her. The exaggerated distortions about her are painful to me. How do opinion makers know what she is like? The perception of her today is not reality. Those people who try to degrade her actually degrade themselves.

``I cannot fathom why they try to destroy those who are doing their utmost to improve the quality of life for all of us.''

Hillary's youth

At a young age, Hillary was taught that life has its pitfalls and setbacks as well as its joys and satisfactions, and that she needs to brace herself to weather the storms that come along - and try again and again. Dorothy Rodham says that Hillary has learned to accept disappointments and seldom feels sorry for herself when things go wrong, nor does she ask ``Why me?''

In retrospect, would Dorothy Rodham have done anything differently in raising Hillary?

``I would not change anything,'' she is quick to reply. ``Hillary was easy to please and a most satisfactory child. I spent much time with her, particularly in her formative years and did not leave her with strangers. A good portion of her youth was spent in church, Sunday school and social concern activities.''

She says she taught Hillary that material things are not important and she should not be influenced by peer pressure.

Dorothy Rodham recalls that ``togetherness'' was fashionable when Hillary was growing up and that their happiest times were doing things together as a family - dining, playing tennis and going to church.

``I well remember,'' she says, ``the home presents she would make for me on Mother's Day - and the sentiments she wrote on cards.''

The recent effort to promote volunteerism by the President's Summit for America's Future in Philadelphia was right in line with Hillary's upbringing. As a youngster, she was imbued with the spirit taught her from Day One that being selfless and doing things for others is rewarding.

Dorothy Rodham looks back to 1993 when Hillary spearheaded efforts to reform America's health care system. She says that, too, was volunteerism on Hillary's part.

``In her conscientious way, she brought the subject to the public's attention and people began to think more about it,'' Dorothy Rodham says. ``She tried to bring to the forefront the abuses in health care. Instead she herself became the victim of snide remarks and personal abuse.''

Dorothy Rodham says she raised Hillary with love and respect and tried to be consistent in what she did - to give her a sense of responsibility and stability. ``I wanted her to be herself and not try to change her natural instincts to please me or anyone else,'' she says.

``I wanted her to have a sense of integrity and she displayed this trait by her behavior in school and at home.''

Her mother also says she tried to give Hillary the confidence to make her own decisions and to be sure those decisions were well-thought-out, because she would have to live with the consequences.

When Hillary was ready for college and marriage, she herself was able to make those critical choices. She selected Wellesley in Massachusetts and Yale Law School and later when she was ready for marriage she didn't need her parents' approval.

``Of course, it was easy because I liked Bill Clinton and thought he would be good for her,'' Dorothy Rodham recalls. ``But I also trusted her and would not have interfered with her choice.''

Hillary Rodham Clinton confirmed her mother's comments and also told me she still remembers her mother saying: ``Your father and I will always love you no matter what you do, even if we do not always approve of or like what you do. We just hope you will share our values and want to live up to our expectations of you.''

Childhood lessons

Hillary Clinton adds: ``My mother also taught me not to react to what other people say or do to me because I myself need to be the actor in my own life.''

While Hillary was raised in Park Ridge, Ill., and was not then exposed to the searchlight of public scrutiny, her daughter Chelsea grew up in Little Rock, Ark., in the limelight of the Governor's Mansion and in the White House with all the fanfare and glare of national and international political life.

``Yet,'' Dorothy Rodham notes, ``both my daughter and granddaughter are caring, responsible and remarkable women. My greatest satisfaction today is when people come up to me and say, `I hope my daughter grows up to be like Hillary' or `I hope my granddaughter grows up to be like Chelsea.' ''

Dorothy Rodham says Hillary Clinton has practiced her philosophy in bringing up Chelsea.

Passing it down

``Hillary is so aware of what makes a meaningful life. She has raised Chelsea as I raised her, and that is so gratifying to me because I tried to be the kind of mother that I wanted Hillary to be when she became a mother. Just look at the results with her daughter. Chelsea is bright and has good common sense.''

Dorothy Rodham also says Chelsea as a teen-ager reminds her in many ways of Hillary at that age and the same was true in past years as Chelsea was growing up.

``My focus of parent on child has paid off,'' Dorothy Rodham concludes. ``I am seeing it all over again. I see how the shaping of ideas can be embellished and this is a special kind of legacy - passing from one generation to the next.

``So my contribution as a mother is being carried on by my daughter with her own daughter. This alone is a wonderful Mother's Day gift. But in Hillary's case, she is surpassing me since her contribution goes beyond our family to the entire world. This makes me very proud.

``What more could a mother want?''

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2 Photos

Photo: (1--Color) Dorothy Howell Rodham expresses pride in Hillary Rodham Clinton's achievements.

(2) No caption (Chelsea Clinton)