MONDAY NIGHT BLUES.

FOR ONE FRIGHTENING moment 12 months ago, we thought that Monday Night Football had finally gotten it right--two good men in the booth instead of three, and a lot less noise, pizzazz, and other manifestations of excessiveness--the perennial curse of sports shows.

Alas, a terrible thing happened. The ratings sank, and the TV "Suits" panicked. They fired everyone but the announcer and brought the third man back into the booth--a professional comedian.

The message was staggering. The old crew hadn't been funny enough. So let's bring in a real comedian. He'll tell a lot of jokes and the TV audience will forgot how lousy the game is.

Didn't it work when they had Howard Cosell? Didn't people laugh at his insufferable humor, tolerate the rest of the mediocre crew, and yet send the ratings out of space?

Wrong. What the "Suits" never understand was that they were riding a wave: Professional football had arrived. Big, big time. And one day a week (Sundays) wasn't enough. To sate the voracious appetite of the fans, a genius named Roone Arledge came up with an answer--Monday Night Football.

A single big game on an otherwise dead weekday night would exhilarate the millions of fans from all over the country. It was a brainstorm bigger than electricity, frozen yogurt, and even Howard Cosell.

The most beautiful part was that you didn't need anyone special to make it work. Just get yourself two pro teams, an announcer, an analyst, and maybe a third guy to add a little "color." It made no difference who he was. Oscar of the Walforf could have served just as readily--probably even more so, than Howard Cosell.

That, friends, explains the "phenomenon" of Monday Night Football. It was strictly an idea whose time had come.

It was actor-proof and rating-proof until time began exacting its inevitable toll--poor scheduling, greater competition from other networks, and, most importantly, the availability of so much pro football and pro football shows on the field and over TV and radio.

It had to be faced: Monday Night Football was no longer a novelty and, unfortunately, there no longer were any intellects around to furnish any answers. And when you are left with people who believe that "When we had Cosell, everything was funny and we had great ratings. So let's get someone who is even funnier and we'll get better ratings," you are in serious trouble.

We believe that Autumn 2000 was no time for ABC to bring in the clowns. It was a time for a trade with the Fox Network: Frank Gifford, Kathy Lee Gifford, Cody Gifford, and Three "Suits" (to be named later) for Pat Summerall and John Madden.