MOMMA-TO-BE HAS NEW LITTLE BRITNEY IN WORKS.

Byline: Phil Perrier Local View

LIFE is a funny thing. The pope dies, then, Britney Spears is going to have a baby. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.

It seems like just yesterday the perky little gal first bounced onto our TV screens, wearing her little Catholic school girl uniform and singing her heart out. Sort of like Judy Garland, minus the humanity. There was something about the precocious teen that I liked. Couldn't quite put my finger on it.

Actually, maybe I could put my finger on it. Anyhoo, going on seven years later, Britney is still grabbing headlines. The critics labeled her a ``flash-in-the-pan,'' ``shallow,'' ``talentless.'' And yet, America is still fascinated by the comings and goings of the spirited Louisianan. We watched her grow from a Mouseketeer into a slickly packaged teen pop sensation, then into a slickly packaged 23-year-old performer, with a body that would make a priest kick in a stained-glass window.

And through the ups and the downs, Britney has always remained Britney. Never jumping on sudden fads, like activism or reading, Britney has remained blissfully uncomplicated.

We watched Britney navigate through her stormy 55-hour marriage to hometown boyfriend Jason Alexander, and we rejoiced when she lip-synched at the Super Bowl, because darn it, she is kind of interesting!

Let's face it, compared to Paris Hilton, Britney Spears comes across like Gloria Steinem.

Granted, take away her mammary glands, and Britney quickly becomes Avril LaVigne. But nobody is going to take away those glands, not while I'm still breathing.

Will Britney Spears be a good mother? Probably not. The kid will most likely be another horribly spoiled little demon seed celebrity kid, (see Jack Osbourne), but hey, whose parents were perfect? When you are grading on a parenting curve with people like Michael Jackson and Courtney Love, it changes things.

One thing is certain, Britney and her husband, backup dancer Kevin Federline, are way more attractive than Prince Charles and Camilla. Let's just hope the Charles/Camilla honeymoon video never makes it to the Internet. Imagine the horror of going online to see that. You gasp in horror, your wife asks ``What's wrong?''

``I don't know, it looks like Pete Seeger is naked and he's being mugged.''

Britney could not have picked a better time to get preggers. She and Kevin are about to embark on their own reality series. And the show is already a shoo-in to be better than the Farrah Fawcett, Ryan O'Neill debacle. Britney isn't going anywhere, folks. And in about 15 or 16 years, her little son or daughter (Amber or Kyle) will be wearing a Catholic school uniform of his or her own and grabbing our hearts all over again.