MISTER INCREDULOUS; Brian didn't believe a man could fly until we sent him to Superhero School.

Byline: Brian McIver

THE STUNNED passers-by stopped in their tracks at the sight of the unidentified flying object and asked each other: 'Is it a bird, is it a plane, is it a Superhero?'

No - it's an idiot in a redT-shirt who squealed like a girl, flailed his arms around and flopped on to a giant crash mat after jumping 40 feet.

I had failed the first class at superhero school - and the instructor who was helping me become the new Batman was shaking his head in disbelief.

Experienced stuntman James Odee and a crew of the best in the business had invited me to a special day of lessons where they were to pass on all the trade secrets of what it takes to be a real hero.

To mark the release of cartoon smash hit The Incredibles on DVD this week, the stunt team signed meup for superhero school and promised to turn me into Mr Incredible, or at least Mr Nearly Credible.

Stunt Action are a group of highly experienced and professional stuntmen who run special classes in their skills, in between filming dangerous and exciting movie action scenes for the biggest flicks around.

Their experts such as James - who has just done stunt double work for Batman Begins and even drove the new Batmobile - said they could make even me a hero.

To begin my transformation from mild mannered reporter into fearless hero, I was picked upby helicopter and flown to the secret base hideaway - inside London's Shepperton Studios - where I began learning my super trade.

Naturally, the first part of being a hero is the right outfit.

Thankfully for all concerned, there was no Edna E Mode from The Incredibles to fit me out with the latest in Lycra-so we made do with a bright red logo T shirt.

After I was kitted it out, it was on to my first superhero lesson ... learning to fly.

Having not been born on Krypton, nor encountered any glowing spiders, the main drawback here was my lack of any actual super powers.

But the stunt experts said that was just a minor detail and that, thanks to some movie magic, they could at least make me look like a flying hero.

But when they showed me what was involved - leaping from a 40ft platform to a crash mat on the earth far below - I felt more zero than hero.

Never mind the flying. I considered it to be a heroic achievement just climbing the set of ladders to get to the platform.

They told me to jump off into thin air and pretend I was making a Superman-like heroic leap.

The airbag below had a target X to aim for, was tried and tested so you couldn't miss it, but I was absolutely terrified.

It's just unnatural, and every time I stepped up for my take-off, I ended up shuffling back from the precipice. But eventually, taunted into action, I had to go for it.

I took a step up to the ledge, pushed off and flew into the air, shouting the movie catchphrase: 'It's Showtime!'

Feeling more like a superlemming than a superhero, with one fist forward and chest puffed out, I shut my eyes and hoped for the best.

I was brought down to earth in more ways than one when the gathered class of wannabe superheroes collapsed in laughter at my feeble jump.

Instead of looking like an Incredible, my cowardly instincts had taken over and I had leapt like Peter Kay in his John Smith's advert - hurtling to the ground and holding my nose as I landed on the huge blue swimming pool-shaped airbag.

James and the rest of the stunt experts shook their head in disbelief but later admitted about one per cent of people do that on their first jump - apparently it's an involuntary thing because the mat looks such like a big pool. Honest.

After that shaming, they decided my learning curve might be a bit steeper than most and it was time to get back to superhero basics.

So they paired meup with a handy villain from central casting and began tuition in the art of stage fighting.

The key to looking good in a fake fight is all about timing - I have to match my swing and punch perfectly with the target's reactions so he appears to have been knocked down at the right moment.

And when he gets a swing back in at me, I have to dodge his punches to look like I've used super speed and super reflexes to avoid his attacks. Several black eyes, cracked teeth and bruised egos later, I had mastered it and they decided it was time for me to take to the skies for more laughs.

After the shame of the high fall, the stuntmen put me onto a lower jump --12t - where I could practise my heroic take-offs.

My first smaller jump saw me hold my nose for dear life once more, but after a few jumps I managed to look incredible enough to pass that round.

Before tackling another big jump, the guys signed meup for the death slide.

With a harness and a good grip, they figured even I couldn't fail this lesson.

I soon discovered the slide was a much better way to fly - you just jump off a ledge and glide down a cable at speed, with a team of experts there to catch you.

The first 100ft of the slide went well until I got too cocky and tried a heroic fist-inthe-air pose. After losing my grip, I endured the rest of the slide upside down, with my bum sticking up very unheroically.

As the Eddie the Eagle of the superhero world, I was determined to prove there was a Clark Kent inside me yet and talked the team into giving me another shot on the high fall, so I could take flight for real.

With my new-found sense of determined courage starting to give way to terror-induced vertigo and public embarrassment - just about everyone in the studio had now turned up for the SuperBri high wire comedy show - I climbed upon e last time.

With hands firmly at my side and nowhere near my nose, I stepped back from the ledge for my last stab at hero-dom.

Psyched up, I jumped forward and made one final leap up, up and away to make a perfectly-formed take off, flying pose and graceful landing on the mat.

I had beaten the odds to avoid looking like a complete idiot and qualified with style.

Even James was impressed and when I finally made it back onto solid ground, told me I could keep my Incredibles T-shirt as my new supersuit.

Still in shock that I had actually done it, he announced the arrival of Scotland's newest superhero and said: 'Ladies and gentlemen, meet Mr Incredulous.'

#The Incredibles is out to own and rent from Friday on Buena Vista Home Entertainment.

COMING BACK WITH A BANG

THIS is the opening scene from the new Superman Returns movie being filmed in Australia and due out next year. The aerial shot shows a life-sized replica of a spaceship which has crashed. American actor Brandon Routh plays the superhero - let's hope he's better than our Brian.

CAPTION(S):

TAKING OFF:; Our Clark Kent worries about what's in store at the real life heroes' training base; GETTING THE MOVES: Brian performed deathdefying leaps and battled villains as he learned how to be a convincing superhero