MILLER NEEDS PLENTY OF WORK.

Byline: Tom Hoffarth Staff Writer

It's completely inappropriate to make any sort of judgment on Dennis Miller's future as a ``Monday Night Football'' broadcaster based on one rag-tag exhibition game.

The most erratic performance: Pick 'em, the play on the field, the rhythm in

the booth or the technical work behind the camera.

But if a demanding public needs instant Miller criticism, here it is: This is gonna take a buncha top-grade, heavy-duty sandpaper to smooth out, because saying this broadcast has some rough edges is a gross understatement.

Miller might only be part of the reclamation project, but he'll unfortunately get the most attention.

Monday's 49ers-Patriots Hall of Fame telecast began by milking Miller's arrival for all it was worth, as Al Michaels introduced the wise-cracking comedian last among the four new on-camera folk, starting with Eric Dickerson, Dan Fouts and Melissa Stark.

``Well I've been apart of 'Monday Night Football' for 14 years and I have come to expect the unexpected . . . but this is off the charts,'' said Michaels, as if news of the decision was made public just yesterday morning.

``If there was anyone in the stadium more pumped up than me, he wouldn't pass the league's standardized drug test, all right,'' was Miller's first quip, as he wore a light-blue necktie already loosened around his neck.

``As far as my personal approach to the game, well, I know a lot of you people are thinking I won't take this seriously, but I just want you to know, it is a game, but it's a game many of you take seriously.

``It's not like the Vatican, but then again the Pope doesn't have to go across the middle on guys like Ronnie Lott very frequently. I'll do my best, I'll study hard, let's tee it up and have some fun.''

A little while later, Michaels allowed Miller into the broadcast, asking who he thought would be the successor as New England's running back.

Said Miller the broadcaster: ``Well, the 'X' factor there is J.R. Redmond, Al, the rookie out of Arizona State. He's not here tonight. He had some minor groin surgery.''

Then the real Miller kicked in: ``I'm not sure if there is such a thing as minor groin surgery. Anybody has a sharp implement around genitalia, I'm thinking it's major, but maybe that's me.''

Offended yet?

Miller's muffs were more frequent than the success of the one-liners he tried to pull off. He stepped on Michaels a few times, another time on a referee's call and even referred to Fouts as ``Don'' or ``Donnie'' before settling on ``Dano.''

In the first quarter, Miller threw out a stat that Drew Bledsoe was ``sacked 55 times last night,'' then came back after a few commercials to say ``by the way, he was sacked 56 times last night.'' Midway through the second quarter, he finally cleared it up - he meant ``last season.''

And that immediately exposed a problem: When he's making a serious point, you're waiting for a punch line. When it doesn't come, you're left trying to recall and decipher what he just said and how it pertains to the preceding play.

As Miller finally just started diving in at whatever moment he saw fit like someone invited to a party specifically to liven things up, his comments sounded more like a guest announcer at the Rose Parade. Too often, he was left marveling at the number of chrysanthemums it took to construct the basset hound's rear end on the city of Arcadia float.

Some of Miller's other riffs, though, were direct hits:

On 49ers quarterback Jeff Garcia: ``He's the Canadian league import with the Mexican-sounding name . . . the NAFTA quarterback. And believe me, they'll feel free to trade him if he doesn't pan out this year.''

After a Michaels promo for ABC's political convention coverage: ``Republicans and Democrats: There's a couple of 4-12 teams.''

But then, as the Patriots finished off a 20-0 win with about a 1 1/2 minutes left, Miller stretched to come up with a Don Meredith-like clincher-quip and said he wracked his brain before he came up with: ``Start blow dryin' Teddy Koppel's hair, 'cause this one's over.''

At least Michaels laughed.

For Miller, he probably summed up his feelings right before the half when talking about the scrambling job by Patriots backup quarterback Michael Bishop: ``You can see Bishop's agility, but he must feel somewhat like I do right now - things are coming fast and furious.''

``No, Toto, we aren't in a studio in North Hollywood anymore, are we?'' answered Michaels, referring to the place the last few weeks where they did practice games.

And where they'll quickly return as soon as this morning. 'Cause the novelty is definitely over.