MERYL STREEP'S `TRUE'/LIFE; NEW FILM MIRRORS VALUES SHE TREASURES MOST.

Byline: Glenn Whipp Daily News Film Writer

``Oh, the sacrifices!''

Meryl Streep is gently mocking herself, something she's surprisingly good at doing. She has been talking at some length about motherhood and the things one must forfeit when there are four children in the home, which, for Streep, has involved giving up choice movie roles and shunning the stage for the past 16 years.

Streep no longer goes on location unless it's summer and she can take her husband of 20 years, sculptor Don Gummer, and the kids with her. And though her heart is aching to do a play, she won't because the theater necessitates working nights and weekends, the two time periods she sees her children.

Oh, the sacrifices, indeed. Streep's brood must really appreciate what she's doing, right? Um ... right?

``They have no sense of that at all,'' she says, incredulous at the mere mention of such prescience on the part of her four children, Henry, 18; Mary Willa, 15; Grace, 12; and Louisa, 7.

``And I'm not raking them over the coals of guilt ... yet,'' Streep adds, laughing. ``I want them to feel free. Let them have kids someday and then they'll know. They'll get that first glimmer, that first clue of the size of the love and the anxiety and everything else that goes along with being a parent. And, hopefully, I'll be right there smiling and spoiling the grandchildren rotten.''

Coming full circle

Streep, 49, has been thinking about such circles of life a lot in the past year. Her latest film, ``One True Thing,'' centers on a mother and grown daughter, different as day and night, who come to appreciate and understand each other for the very things that once drove them apart.

Based on the novel by Anna Quindlen, the movie is alternately funny, sad and incisive in the way it deconstructs how children, even after becoming adults, fail to see their parents for who they are - flawed human beings doing the best they can. In the kids' eyes, Mom and Dad will always be Mom and Dad, a strange perception that Streep herself owns up to.

Streep, you see, just took her oldest child, Henry, to college. She's reluctant to say where he's going because just as she's seamlessly vanished into countless memorable roles over the past 20 years, Streep likes to disappear into motherhood as well. She and Gummer and the kids live on an 89-acre estate in northwest Connecticut, far removed from premieres, parties and the public eye. There, she cooks dinner, picks the kids up after school, goes to PTA meetings and shares with Gummer all the endless tasks that come with the 24-hour-a-day job of being a parent.

``Not very exciting, but beautiful stuff'' is how Streep puts it.

Anyway, she and her husband helped Henry pack and took him to college. When it came time to say goodbye, Streep just lost it, thinking this is it, she's never going to see her baby again and ruminating that it was just yesterday - wasn't it? - when she was dropping him off at kindergarten. All the things that Streep's own mother says she experienced when she left a 17-year-old Meryl at Vassar College way back when in 1966.

``I remember that day so vividly,'' Streep says, smiling. ``I remember wondering, `What is the big deal anyway? Why are these people crying? I'm going to be back in a month. And then there's Thanksgiving and Christmas ... it's not like I'm going to be gone forever.' ''

Streep pauses and transports herself forward in time more than 30 years.

``With Henry, it's very sad, but I'm very proud of him at the same time,'' she says. ``I spoke at his graduation, you know. I think he liked that, although with that pride came the fear that I'd somehow embarrass him. And now he's off on his own and it's all so bittersweet, but that's what parenting is all about. If you've done your job right, they're probably going to be OK.''

Intimidating image

Carl Franklin, who directed Streep in ``One True Thing,'' says that the priority she puts on parenting informs everything she does as an actress.

``Her main consideration is always what's needed at home,'' Franklin says, citing Streep's daily commute from Connecticut to the New York set as the most obvious example of her commitment. ``It's one of the things you take into account, working with her.''

Adds Rene Zellweger, who plays Streep's career-minded daughter in the film: ``She just understands life and what it means to experience it. It's magic. It comes from inside. You can't take notes on it, although I wanted to try. All I know is that it's been a gift to know someone so intelligent, gracious, gifted, warm and compassionate.''

It's all such a contrast to Streep's public image. Since she luxuriates in her privacy, most people have formed their ideas of Streep based on the long succession of difficult women she has played throughout her career - brittle women (``A Cry in the Dark''), disagreeable women (``Kramer vs. Kramer.''), melancholy women (``A French Lieutenant's Woman''), fragile women (Sophie's Choice''), tough women (``Out of Africa'').

Certainly, Streep tried to soften the public's perception, signing up for a series of comedic films (``She-Devil,'' ``Postcards From the Edge,'' ``Death Becomes Her'' among them) that never quite caught on with audiences. She even grabbed an oar and became an action hero defending her family (what else?) in ``The River Wild.'' But the performances often seemed a little forced and, of late, Streep has returned to dramas like ``The Bridges of Madison County'' and ``Marvin's Room'' where she seems most comfortable.

``Disagreeable women are much more fun to play,'' says Streep, who will be seen playing another one later this year in the heart-wrenching Irish family drama ``Dancing at Lughnasa.''

Rarely, though, do any of these performances present a glimpse into the warmth of the woman or her wry sense of humor. Streep really does seem to relish life, embracing it in all of its absurdities. And she's flat-out funny, her laughter surprising anyone who meets her for the first time.

``I have to be honest; I was completely intimidated at the prospect of working with her,'' Franklin says. ``She's a legend, but she certainly doesn't let you know it. She doesn't walk around in character. She keeps things light and is really down-to-earth. I never thought I'd be able to say it, but Meryl Streep is really a sweetheart of a person.''

That's one role Streep isn't going to confess to. But she does have a funny story that neatly encapsulates the dichotomy between the woman and the image.

``I went to France a couple of years ago to publicize `Marvin's Room' and a young journalist told me, `You know, when I told people I was going to interview Meryl Streep, they were so excited ... at least, the women were. The men ... they are afraid of you.' ''

Streep roars with laughter and then says, ``And that's fine. I can accept that.'' Then she lowers her voice in a conspiratorial tone and adds, ``You know, a tiny bit of fear comes in handy sometimes - especially when you're the mother of four children.''

CAPTION(S):

3 Photos

Photo: (1--Cover--Color) MOTHER MERYL

Actress brings heart, soul - and maternal experience - to `One True Thing'

(2) no caption (Meryl Streep)

(3) Meryl Streep and Renee Zellweger play a mother and grown daughter who are as different as day and night in ``One True Thing.''