MCCOOL'S IS MCORDINARY.

Byline: Glenn Whipp Film Critic

``One Night at McCool's'' bills itself as three movies in one, sort of a ``Rashomon'' for frat boys (and alums), but it's more like one bad movie halfheartedly - and only very occasionally - told from three stupid points of view. It's not very interesting, apart from the many and varied ways Liv Tyler exposes her body (and lack of acting ability).

As the first venture from Michael Douglas' new production company, it's a first-rate disappointment with about as much subtlety as the gruesome pompadour toupee that Douglas' hit man character wears throughout the film.

Tyler is cast as Jewel Valentine, the kind of woman who can make a man do just about anything. Certainly that's the case for ``McCool's'' three lunkheads: bartender Randy (Matt Dillon), lawyer Carl (Paul Reiser) and police detective Dehling (John Goodman). All three are hot for Jewel, but in different ways. She's Madonna to Dehling, whore to Carl and something in between for the appropriately named Randy.

Randy meets Jewel first, saving her from a bad boyfriend, only to find later that Jewel and the boyfriend are running a con. When Randy dispatches the boyfriend, Detective Dehling shows up. Carl is Randy's cousin, married, sexually frustrated and slobbering over Jewel's feminine charms. ``It's like having a porn star in your house,'' Carl marvels.

Jewel expertly plays these guys to get what she really wants - material goods. She carries around a photo book full of images she has cut from glossy magazines - kitchen appliances, home theater equipment, automobiles. Her dream is to have a home equipped with all these things, as well as a fountain in the living room corner. (Don't ask.) And Jewel has no qualms about lying, stealing or even murdering in order to fulfill her Trumpian fantasies.

``McCool's'' could have been darkly funny if either screenwriter Stan Seidel or first-time director Harald Zwart had shown a little more imagination. But the film's three stories - and three views of Jewel - are standard-issue and rarely intersect in interesting ways. The casting is standard-issue, too. We've seen Goodman, Reiser and Dillon play these characters before; their performances are redundant at best. Only Douglas breaks the mold as the hit man to whom Dillon's Randy confesses his troubles.

Tyler more than adequately fills the babe aspects of her role, gamely wearing dominatrix costumes and performing the sexiest car wash since ``Cool Hand Luke.'' Her acting range, though, has always been limited, and this is a part that requires someone who could flesh out a character in ways that go beyond wearing push-up bras. (Angelina Jolie would have been ideal casting.) Taken together, these shortcomings make ``McCool's'' a pretty long night at the movies.

``ONE NIGHT AT McCOOL'S''

(Rated R: violence, sexuality and language)

The stars: Liv Tyler, Matt Dillon, John Goodman, Paul Reiser and Michael Douglas.

Behind the scenes: Directed by Harald Zwart. Screenplay by Stan Seidel. Released by USA Films.

Running time: One hour, 32 minutes.

Playing: Citywide.

Our rating: One and one half stars

CAPTION(S):

photo

Photo:

Michael Douglas' cheesy-looking toupe, here with Liv Tyler, may be the most exciting thing about ``One Night at McCool's.''