MAYOR OF TELEVISION BLOG.

Byline: >DAVID KRONKE

Breaking the cycle of Emmy-presenter abuse

You may recall we recently described the three dynamics operating when booking presenters for the Emmy Awards: This Is Mutually Beneficial, I Need Help Promoting My Show, and I'm Doing You a Favor.

This proved so profoundly popular and edifying that we're going to do it again, with the second wave of announcements of celebrities who will give trophies to other celebrities. And we've added a new category!

This Is Mutually Beneficial: Marcia Cross, America Ferrera.

I Need Help Promoting My Show: Alec Baldwin and Tina Fey, Joely Fisher and Brad Garrett, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jennifer Love Hewitt.

I'm Doing You a Favor: Stephen Colbert (his appearance last year - "I lost to Barry Manilow!" he wailed to Jon Stewart - probably ensured him a win this year), Ellen DeGeneres (she hosted last year; she needn't accept a demotion like this, particularly since Ryan Seacrest swiped her gig).

And now, the new category:

What More Do You Want From Me? (celebrities who have comforted and oiled the Emmy machinery beyond the call of duty): Kyra Sedgwick, Jon Cryer.

Both, you may recall, hosted that ghastly early-morning announcement ceremony unveiling this year's nominees, even though they themselves have never won an Emmy (and in fact, both left last year's awards show branded losers). If these two walk away Sept. 16 without a heavy pointy object in their clammy hands, they need to understand that they're in an abusive relationship with Emmy and need to realize that the love apparently only goes one way and they need to quit coddling the academy with their star power and find something else better to do on the evenings of future ceremonies. Maybe start up a little mah-jongg club together.

Well, someone's gotta feed the Beckham tots

$250 million sure doesn't buy what it used to.

David Beckham, that British soccer hero who was handed $250 mil to transform America's blase attitude toward the sport, continues his reputation this side of The Pond as an utter bust, falling victim to yet another injury that pretty much ends his first stateside season. Which translates his paycheck to: $50 million per goal, $50 million per hour and $50 million per nation filled with fans and potential fans feeling like they've been ripped off.

So much money hasn't been desultorily tossed out a window since Dick Cheney's White House threw all those billions at Halliburton to lose in various cubbyholes in Iraq.

Hence, the responsibility for actually working in America has fallen to Becks' wife, Posh Spice, who has landed a job on ABC's "Ugly Betty," playing the challenging role of Victoria Beckham. "Ugly Betty," you might recall, was a show that was all about not rewarding the anorexically trim and superficial and brain-dead.

Of course, a mere six weeks ago 7/8 six weeks? How coincidental 7/8 that's how long Becks'll be out of commission 7/8 Posh was insisting to Your Mayor that she wasn't moving to L.A. to rev up an acting career:

"I must be the only person in Los Angeles who doesn't want to be in film. -- Did you see 'Spice World'? It wasn't that good. I wasn't really that good. I'm not coming to L.A. to form a career, you'll be glad to hear."

As Larry Craig might note, the devil's in the details: Notice she said she didn't want to be in film, but didn't mention TV.