MAYOR'S COSTLY JAUNT LEAVES ASIA IN WONDER.

Byline: JANE ROBISON

THE mayor is abroad.

Dispatches from the field have been encouraging.

Sensing the city of Los Angeles is mired in financial muck, Mayor Richard Riordan jetted off to Asia to drum up business.

As one who has admired Riordan and his business and political acumen for years, I had the good fortune of being included on the list to receive all the press releases and faxes that were sent back during the 15-day, eight-city tour.

Would that I were a first-class encomiast living off the gratuities of someone rich and powerful, traveling by his side, chronicling his every word and deed, scattering flowers at the feet of his entourage, laughing heroically at his witty cultural faux pas, wiping spittle from his chin. . . .

Alas, the honor was bestowed on another.

However, I was able to glean a factual and true account of the highly successful trip by culling through the musings by the mayor's own personal Boswell.

Although the mayor and his party of 80 failed to secure a signed contract for more business to the Port of Los Angeles, it was an unintentional diplomatic triumph of staggering proportions.

From the moment the boyish-looking mayor stepped jauntily off the plane, it was clear he was in full command of his faculties. Nothing escaped his trained eye or eluded his keen grasp of diplomacy.

As a self-made multimillionaire businessman, Riordan understands timing is everything.

Asia is roiling from economic turmoil, and the crisis may still be taking its toll, but the news is good for business travelers visiting the region, as chains such as the Hilton publicize startling discounts.

Political forces at home worked feverishly to stymie the mayor in his unprecedented, financed tour de force. He was not to be denied.

``The mayor is doing more than just going as the city's chief executive. He is going as a businessman who is selling his city,'' said one aide, characterizing the trip.

I knew the city was in dire financial straits. I had no idea it needed to be sold.

But if the mayor wants to put the city up for sale, I trust his impeccable judgment and timing. After all, buying and selling properties is how he made his fortune.

Kicking off the first leg of his tour was a stop in Japan, where the mayor displayed his characteristic grace, charm and wit.

The mayor noted casually that he loved riding bicycles and he was looking forward to the Tour de France. His Japanese hosts looked quizzically at the mayor, and there was a moment of awkward silence until an aide stepped in to explain the mayor's miscue.

At a meeting with several hundred business executives and government officials, Riordan displayed his business prowess. ``You guys need to open up your markets. Stop taxing people too much. Admit your mistakes.''

The Japanese were profoundly moved by this uncommon display of candor. They punctuated his remarks with loud applause and noises resembling catcalls.

Next, Riordan amazed his foreign hosts with his intricate knowledge of Los Angeles. He stumped dignitaries in Tokyo when he pointed out that Los Angeles was the birthplace of the fortune cookie and the bikini.

They were effusive in their silence.

Riordan also took an opportunity to lecture businessmen on the finer points of vulture ventures - groups that buy troubled companies in return for banks forgiving a portion of the companies' debt.

The mayor noted that he had invested in such vulture funds, profiting handsomely in the process.

The moment was fraught with nuance.

Some thought the mayor was perhaps scoping out possible takeover ventures in Asia.

They pointed out that Japanese financial institutions have no such plan that allows vultures to scoop up failing institutions and walk off with the cash.

The mayor hates nuance.

From Japan the mayor and his party traveled to Korea.

It was an emotional journey for the mayor, who served 10 months near the front lines as a pencil pusher at the end of the Korean War in the early '50s.

Riordan visited the Korean Demilitarized Zone, where he was stationed as a young first lieutenant. He sang Army fighting songs and reminisced about the horrors of war. Mostly he had a good time.

It was an emotionally wrenching day. At one point, the South Koreans pointed to a quiet village just over the border in North Korea. It appeared to be well constructed, with neat tall buildings, elaborate public works and few people - just like downtown L.A.

The mayor wondered aloud if a subway connecting the two Koreas couldn't be built to facilitate transportation.

A chagrined official noted that the two countries still have some unpleasantries between them.

``Ah, a secession movement,'' Riordan noted. ``I understand that all too well.''

While in South Korea, the mayor bumped into Michael Jackson, who also was attending the inaugural of South Korean President Kim Dae Jung.

Riordan took the opportunity to tell Jackson he was sorry his popular L.A. radio show was kicked off the air. Jackson smiled, pointing out that he was the King of Pop, not the radio host.

Riordan, nonplussed, said he liked the show anyway and then proceeded to do the moonwalk. His agility stunned and pleased his hosts. Another cultural coup.

On to China, where the mayor turned into a freedom fighter, battling Maoist repression, encouraging economic progress and chiding the Chinese for trying to control everything and everybody, just like the Los Angeles City Council.

That night at a state dinner, Riordan delivered an exquisite toast to his hosts and concluded by introducing someone who wasn't in attendance, throwing the Chinese off guard, mocking them for not getting the place cards right and setting off an international incident that he later cleverly blamed on his staff.

Not since Marco Polo had a westerner so conquered China. As throngs of Chinese lined the roads from Beijing to Hong Kong chanting, ``Riordan, Riordan, Riordan,'' the mayor preferred to remain in the back of his limousine playing computer bridge, oblivious to what he had accomplished.

Never has half a million bucks of L.A. taxpayer money brought such a dividend as this.