MAKING WAVES OVER A WATER BILL.

Byline: Dennis McCarthy 

``I hate to be a pain in the butt, but, damn it, you have to fight back.''

- Florence O'Connell

Don't worry about it, Florence. To get the mother starship downtown turned around to look our way once in a while, we all have to be a pain in the butt sometimes.

I've made a career out of it. It's just your turn, that's all.

Besides, you're doing us all a big favor out here in the Valley by putting a face on one of these utility rate stories that normally makes the eyes glaze over until someone gets mad enough to look at the fine print and fight back.

I'm talking water bills here, folks. Not the price we're paying to get water into our homes, but the price we're paying to send it down the drain and back out through this city's sewer system.

The charge comes under the heading of a sewer service charge on your Los Angeles Department of Water and Power bill, and it's a great example of how the Valley is carrying the rest of this city on its back.

Let's take a look at Florence's water bill at her West Hills home for a 64-day period from March 26 through May 28 of this year.

A 71-year-old widow living alone, Florence paid $72.43 for the water she used in those three months, which she has no gripe about paying for, she says. She used it, she'll pay for it.

But she also had to pay the city an added $58.31 to have some of that water shipped back out through the sewers. That money goes to the city's bureau of engineering to keep the sewers maintained.

Florence thinks that is excessive.

You see, she was out of town for 40 of those 64 days (she has the travel receipts to prove it). The only water used at her house during those 40 days was for her automatic sprinklers. And that water doesn't go into the sewers - it goes into the ground, and any runoff goes into the storm drains.

Even during the 24 days she was at home, Florence says, she treats her water like liquid gold - a hangover habit from the '92 drought when she lost several of the pine and fruit trees in her back yard for lack of water.

``I still do dishes in the dishwasher once a week, still do a machine load of laundry once a week, still shower once a day for only five minutes - get wet, soap up, rinse off,'' she wrote DWP officials.

``I have a low-flush toilet in the main bathroom. What else can I do to help? One flush for every two tinkles? Take a bath with my laundry?

``Why should I be taxed $132 (her sewer service charge from Sept. 21, 1995, to Nov. 22, 1995) on a $189 water bill? I'm on a fixed income, and Social Security doesn't care about sewer charges.''

A lot of homeowners in the Valley are asking the same questions, said Diana Brueggemann, a senior legislative aide to Councilwoman Laura Chick.

Chick has been running into a stone wall trying to get non-Valley council members to look at a fairer, more equitable sewer service charge spread over the entire city.

``The city does an estimate on how much water you put into the sewers based on annual use - automatically assuming 60 percent of the water goes down the drain and into the sewers,'' Brueggemann said.

``But if you are the owner of a home with a big lot - which are prevalent in much of the Valley - that assumption is certainly not correct during our hot summers. The water's going into the ground, not down the drain.''

Chick thinks it would be fairer for the sewer calculation to be made on water usage during the winter months, when people aren't watering their lawns and gardens so much to keep them alive.

That would be fairer to homeowners in the Valley with larger lots than other areas of the city.

``But the council members representing other parts of the city who stand to have their constituents pay more a month under that calculation don't want to change it - even though the adjustment would be hardly noticeable on their bill,'' Brueggemann said.

Chick intends to bring up the sewer service charge again at a July council meeting, because unless a change is made by December, ``We'll be looking at another summer of high rates in the Valley in '97,'' Brueggemann said.

The reason is that it takes the city six months to adjust its computers to reflect new calculations in customer bills, she said.

Forget to mail in a fine for a parking ticket or be late making a utility payment, and the city is on you in warp speed.

But when it comes to lowering sewer rates for homeowners in the Valley, we're back to the glacial age.

Meanwhile, Florence O'Connell will continue being a pain in the butt to the DWP because, like she says, Social Security doesn't care about sewer charges.

She's already filed an appeal and had her sewer service charge adjusted downward from 100 percent of full rate to 75 percent. But she figures that's still not enough.

It rankles her that every time she waters her lawn this summer, she's subsidizing the sewer service charge for some slacker in West L.A. taking a 20-minute shower.

MEMO: Dennis McCarthy's column appears Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Sunday.