MAIL SERVICES OFTEN DO CELEBRITIES' BIDDING.

Byline: Jodi Maghakian Associated Press 

Hollywood's nasty little secret has nothing to do with sex scandals or drug overdoses.

Shhh, don't tell. Celebrities don't do mail.

But fans should not despair. Most celebrities have people who work for them, talk for them, shop for them and even correspond for them.

"You would think it was only housewives and teen-agers, and maybe it was at one time, but we receive letters from many professionals - doctors, dentists," said Noreen Jenny, co-owner of Celebrity Research Network in West Hills. "Some want to buy property next to their celebrity, some want to loan celebrities money."

"Most actors wake up at 5 (a.m.), start their day at 7 and get home at 8 or 9 (p.m.)," said Jack Tamkin, owner of Studio Fan Mail/Tamkin Color of Los Angeles, who answers his clients' letters with a hand-addressed, color photo.

"We have handled Henry Winkler since he came to town. During his heyday, when he was the Fonz, he would receive about 65,000 letters a month," Tamkin said. His company also handles stars from "Friends," "Party of Five" and "Home Improvement."

Some letters are so poignant they do get passed on to the celebrity, said publicist Susan J. Kagan of Rogers and Cowen in Los Angeles.

And every once in a while, a message is too alarming to ignore, and the publicists will alert police.

Most fans just want a photo or an autograph.

"The fan clubs fulfill that a lot better, because there isn't the expectation that the celebrity will be in personal touch. Yet they are connecting with someone who understands how they feel and are keeping up with the star's career," said Linda Kay, president of the National Association of Fan Clubs in Burbank, Calif.

For some fans, once-a-month newsletters are not as direct as celebrity chat rooms via computer, where fans can ask unusual, intimate questions and where stars type responses in their own words.

"Goldie Hawn is as bubbly on line as she is on the screen," said America Online spokeswoman Judy Tashbook of a recent celebrity chat. "People asked what kind of computer she had, where she got her name."

Someone asked if she would let Brian "Kato" Kaelin, O.J. Simpson's former house guest, stay in her house, Tashbook said. "No, and I would not take him to Burger King," Hawn answered.

Some celebrities, like Woody Allen, prefer chat rooms because they can interact with fans without being mobbed, Tashbook said.

But beloved TV mom June Lockhart likes her letters.

"I like to read it all," said Lockhart, who receives letters from fans who go back 50 years. "I find that even in person, people are so cordial. They like to establish a bond."

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Photo Jack Tamkin, owner of Studio Fan Mail/Tamkin Color of Los Angeles, sorts some of the celebrity fan mail his company processes and answers at his Los Angeles office. Associated Press