Love overseas: a host of legal problems can ensure when you try to bring a foreign-born partner back home to the United States.

It begins as love always does. A casual glance, a smile on the edge of the mouth, that laugh of recognition. It's only the exotic setting that's different. But before you jump into a relationship with a sexy foreigner, think again. In fact, recent advancements like gay marriage and civil-union laws are actually making it harder for Americans to bring their partners back after romantic encounters overseas.

According to Victoria Neilson, the legal director for Immigration Equality (formerly known as the Lesbian and Gay Immigration Rights Task Force), forming a civil union "can make it more difficult for a foreign national because it shows a permanent tie to an American." In other words, declaring one's love officially for someone foreign born can make it worse when he or she tries to visit. While in the past things remained vague, nowadays a visa will be denied, since having an American lover shows intent to overstay a visa and thus, stay illegally--especially if you both were married legally in another country.

The federal Defense of Marriage Act means gay unions formed abroad (legal in one form or another in 16 countries, including Canada, much of Western Europe, Brazil, Israel, and South Africa) will not be recognized by U.S. Immigration.

If you're American, an extended vacation is the only way some long-distance relationships can survive. The reason for this is simple: Most people who come to the United States do so on a tourist visa. That's relatively easy for someone from Western Europe to get, since no visa is required for a three-month stay. Rules for Canadians are even more relaxed, allowing six months. Thus, many gay and lesbian binational relationships are sustained by a game in which the foreign lover travels back and forth between their home country and the United States. This creates what Neilson calls a "gray area" in which people are technically obeying immigration laws but can be challenged on the border because "what kind of tourism lasts for such a long period?"

Fall in love with a Middle Eastern or Latin American lover and you've doubled your troubles. Since 9/11, Muslim countries are particularly discriminated against when it comes to visas, while economic problems are the issue for most Latin American countries. The fear is that these vacationers will stay under the radar seeking out a job, a no-no under a tourist visa. These rules, though, affect gay people more than married heterosexuals, who can easily prove ties to a spouse in their home country or simply marry the one they love and immigrate legally.

Ramona Gatto had this problem when she and her German lover, Arzu, sailed into port on an R Family Vacations cruise ship when it docked in New York. The two were accompanied by their 16-year-old daughter. Arzu uses a student visa to stay legally in the United States, which according to Gatto keeps her "here under the best legal parameters possible" so that they can "live with integrity." When the couple arrived on the ship, though, Arzu was allowed entry only after a heartrending near refusal by port guards. Their situation hints of the arbitrary nature of immigration law, since Arzu was told when leaving port that she would have no problems.

Adam Pedersen-Doherty, the program associate for Immigration Equality, estimates that approximately 36,000 gay and lesbian binational couples exist in the United States, based on the 2000 census. On Valentine's Day of that same year the best hope for binational gay equality was introduced in the Permanent Partners Immigration Act, of which presidential candidate John Kerry was a Senate cosponsor. Still, it remains "bottled up in committee." If it is ever passed, Ramona is hoping things will get better. "Things have to change. We are not the ones who are wrong."