You might find tap-dancing dogs standing for Parliament in other parts of the paper today but you won't find them here.
I peaked on April Fool's Day 1992 and have never taken any notice of it since. Back then, we were recording the latelamented Scottish Women programme on April 1 and thought we'd do a spoof show.
Only a handful of people knew that the bloke who voluntarily had a tracking device implanted in his ankle so his wife would know where he was at all times was, in fact, an actor.
The grand denouement was a demented woman leaping down the stairs to accuse me of sleeping with her husband.
We all thought it was the funniest thing ever but sadly the bosses didn't and they wouldn't let us put it out in for fear of causing offence. Well, you know folk can be funny about jokes on April Fool's Day.