Loopy Liz must stop acting up.
Her acting is so appalling in the lead role of the US mini-series Samson and Delilah, critics have described it as an excruciating dud.
Undeterred by a sequence of acting disasters, Liz now says she wants to be a producer.
Like so many deliriously vain, self-important people, she will end up rich, snobbish, and forever moaning she's misunderstood. And she won't realise what everyone's laughing at.
THE new head of the Orange Order in Northern Ireland says Tony Blair "sold his birthright by marrying a Romanist and serving Communion in a Catholic Church."
Robert Saulter, 61, who believes there should be no compromise on anything, anytime, anywhere, but especially not on the traditional routes of Orange marches, declares that Mr Blair "would sell his soul to the devil himself."
Foam-flecked and wild-eyed, this pillar of the community adds: "He's not loyal to his religion. He's a turncoat. The future looks bleak."
Poor Robert. I just hope you feel better soon.