Living common-law in Canada.

A priest from the Halifax archdiocese is writing a thesis for his doctorate in pastoral theology, and has published a spiral-bound xeroxed preview of it. The thesis deals with common-law unions in Canada. Fr. Joseph B. Christensen has done the Catholic Church a service by bringing this topic, until now not sufficiently dealt with publicly, before the national consciousness.

He has distributed questionaires to chancery offices, to priests across the country, to parents, and to those about to be married. The results are published in this book, which contains also two talks given by the author, one to priests in his own archdiocese, the other to laity in one of his own parishes. The contents of these two talks overlap, as one might expect, with each other and with other parts of the book, and undoubtedly will not appear in the final thesis.

Over half of Catholics coming to the rectory for marriage today are living common-law. Some reasons why so many are living common-law are (1) they think it is cheaper, (2) they think it will give them guidance in deciding whether to marry, (3) they say "Everyone's doing it", (4) they're self-centered, and (5) they have given up the practice of their faith, the sense of sin, and, along with this, of course, a knowledge of God.

The teaching of Christ and his Church is clear. For example, sex outside of marriage is gravely sinful; one should not receive the Sacrament of Marriage in the state of sin; there must be sufficient knowledge and a sincere desire before this Sacrament is administered; receiving this Sacrament in mortal sin does not necessarily render the Sacrament invalid, though the action is sacrilegious and confers no grace until everything is rectified.

Cause of frustration

Christensen considers the request for marriage made by a couple living common-law to be the chief cause of frustration in priests today. The issue is complex and the problems involved are serious. Ordinarily, at least in the recent past, one or both of the parties had sufficient knowledge of the Catholic faith and also lived in accordance with it. This is not the ordinary case today.

Many couples, though not forbidden to marry because of an impediment such as a marriage bond with a third party, have obstacles which priests find difficult to overcome. For example, is the motive for wanting to be married in the Church a desire to live as God wants, or is it simply to please parents? Is the couple willing to cease cohabitation until they are married? Are the Catholic parties willing to go to Confession? Do they have sufficient knowledge of the faith to realize what is involved in the Sacrament of Marriage? Will they practice the faith from now on?

Further questions arise if it is decided that they should be allowed to marry. Will there be a Mass? Will they be allowed to receive Communion? Should only a small wedding be tolerated?

About these things there are differing attitudes among priests and also among people. Will compromises betray the Sacrament, lead to a sacrilege?

No wonder priests can become frustrated.

Some diocesan guidelines

Not many Canadian dioceses have detailed guidelines. One of the better sets, dating from 1994, states very clearly that "cohabiting couples who seek a Catholic marriage should not be refused a Catholic ceremony solely on account of their cohabitation. Cohabitation is a moral fault, not a canonical impediment.

"Pastors should make every effort to persuade couples to live apart, at least for the time approaching their marriage. If the couple accepts the essential elements of marriage, but all efforts in separating them do not succeed, ask, as a last resort, that they abstain from sex for a few days immediately before the wedding so that they will be able to receive the Sacraments of Penance and Holy Eucharist, and also receive the Sacrament of Marriage fruitfully while in the state of grace.

"If a couple rejects any of the essential elements (the good of the spouses, procreation, the education of offspring), or any of the essential properties (unity, indissolubility) of Christian marriage, then a priest many not marry them; indeed such a marriage would be invalid. In summary, if marriage in the Church has some religious meaning for the cohabiting couple, then the priest may marry them; however, if there is a complete absence of religious meaning for the couple in a church ceremony, then the marriage is to be postponed. These principles apply equally to couples who are not cohabiting but are habitually sexually active with each other."

Reaction from priests

One priest writes: "I hope that this has been dealt with in the pre-marriage course. If they come through the course and have not changed, I just go along. At one time I had the practice of refusing to marry them until they separated. However, I found out that most of the priests were not taking any stand and it then began that the couples would shop around to find a priest who would not ask too many questions. So my efforts were for naught. Until we come to a uniform policy for a diocese, a region, or the country, there is not much we can do."

(Sometimes it leads to conflicts among priests. Recently, in Ottawa, one priest refused to marry a couple because they insited on living together. They then went to a neighbouring parish with a "liberal" priest who promptly got permission from the bishop to marry them in the first priest's church!)

Another priest writes: "It is important to note that we do not need solutions which require more preparation on [the part] of the priest. The priest is involved in preparation for Baptism, Penance, Confirmation, Eucharist, Marriage, the Sacrament of the Sick, etc. We just get lay people trained and comfortable in assisting when their term is up and they are gone. A pastoral solution to common-law unions involving more work on the part of priests is not the answer.

"If I were to advance a solution, it would be to have the Church less involved in the marriage business. The form of marriage could be done away with and have the Church recognize a non-sacramental marriage. When the couple are ready to celebrate the Sacrament of Marriage let them come forth and request such from the Church. It is my contention that we are dealing with the majority of priests presiding at invalid marriages; some priests are aware of this and the others have not caught on. Most of the couples coming to get married do not have the spiritual goods required to make a permanent matrimonial commitment."

Reactions from couples

Some couples preparing for marriage expressed these views:

"I have difficulty agreeing with abstinence before marriage. Although I would like 'to wait' I just don't feel it is practical in today's world and the guilt of not conforming to the laws of the Roman Catholic Church has actually kept me away from attending."

"I feel the Church should not take such a negative view of people living together, provided they feel their living together is part of their leading up to marriage."

"My outside view is that the Church risks alienating its youth, its future, by its outdated views.

My belief is that most priests are aware and non-judgmental of the reality re living together, birth control, etc., but the lack of leadership from the top is criminal as it is usually the under-educated, poor, developing world that listens. I also understand that at some point I will have to agree to bring our children up as Catholics solely in order for us to be married in the Catholic Church. Getting people to knowingly lie to the Church somehow seems wrong."

Some of Fr Christensen's conclusions

1. Bishops, priests, and laity should be vitally interested in this problem, which has reached crisis proportions.

2. There should be national guidelines in this matter because "closing our pastoral eyes to it has indeed become the safest, and the most politically correct, way of dealing with common-law unions to date.... There has to be something much better." The guidelines should be given to couples at the start of marriage preparation so that there will be no surprises or confrontation.

3. The guidelines must be insisted upon.

4. Many couples "have little or no understanding of Christian teachings"; students in Catholic schools are not being taught the faith well. (This merely confirms what has been observed throughout the country for years.)

5. The author raises the question whether there should be a "two-tiered system of civil and sacramental weddings," such as some other countries have. And he seems inclined to consider this possibility favourably.