Little league and activism.

An accomplished foil-time writer, David-Matthew Barnes has a partner with a busy career as an advertising account executive, two teenagers, five cats, and two dogs. He also plays host to an exchange student from Estonia. When this student leaves, another is coming from Switzerland.

For time-pressed gay families, changing the world is somehow expected to be wedged into busy schedules: Lobbying efforts and hometown activism have to be scheduled in between Little League and preschooler play dates. For some it's challenging and stressful; for others it seems impossible.

"Becoming parents changed every aspect of our lives," says Barnes, who along with partner Nick Moreno took on legal guardianship of two teenagers in 2002. While the older child, now 18, has moved to Los Angeles to study and work, the younger, Ricky, 17, will begin his senior year this fall--as will that Swiss exchange student.

"Our priorities have totally shifted. When we get off work now, we don't have time to do the things we used to do or be as involved in our community," says Barnes. "We have to get to the ball field or soccer practice or get Ricky to his job. We aren't able to be as political or involved as we might have been or even involved with groups. I don't think we could even make a weekly meeting for a group."

Gay and lesbian parents "are busy parenting, but when they have made the choice and commitment, they are passionate, compelling, and effective," says Corri Planck, deputy executive director of the Family Pride Coalition, an advocacy organization for gay families. "We know changes have happened because they are in the statehouses telling their stories."

It also matters that parents are telling their stories just in their own neighborhoods. "We are a very out gay family," says Ed Swaya, a Seattle-area psychotherapist who along with his partner, Gregory Hampel, raise a 3-year-old daughter, Vivian. "And I think that's very important."

For some, making time for gay rights advocacy is a priority they wedge in between dance lessons and other kindergartner activities. Lisa Gray, 44, mother to Cori, age 5, was instrumental in founding and running a highly successful social support group for gay parents in Orlando, Fla., and has been a tireless campaigner for family rights, speaking to lawmakers, hobnobbing with media, and helping organize rallies.

She and her partner, Corina Gray. 43, who sells real estate, believe few things are more important than providing Cori social support and a future with equal family rights.

Allowing neighbors, school officials, teachers, and others in the community to see them and recognize them as a gay family, Hampel says, is another effective way to gain political allies in the long run.

Planck agrees that straight allies are needed, and more and more they see grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends showing up to voice support, contact lawmakers, or donate money. Living such a public life, though, isn't always so simple. Some families may have legitimate fears--for instance, if a straight ex-spouse is hostile or vying for custody. Every family must choose how involved they want to be, but more parents devoting themselves to the fight will help.

"Do we need more people to juggle Little League and make a trip to their legislator?" asks Planck. "Absolutely,"--K.G.