Little Miss Sunshine

SAN DIEGO — Greetings from the state that gave Camelot a Bronx salute and the Clintons enough chutzpah to claim Hillary the presumptive nominee.

Notice her gold power suits. The wide stance. Notice how Hillary's voice has gone up several irritating decibels as she shrieks, "I hear you," to supporters.

Sen. Clinton strategically projects the image of front-runner, despite being in a statistical dead heat with rival Barack Obama.

After Super Tuesday, Clinton took nine states to Obama's 13. But if you'd watched the New York senator on TV while votes still were being counted, you'd have thought she won them all. She deftly snatched her Massachusetts victory from the jaws of her defeats in states such as Idaho, Missouri and Kansas.

By the time she was reinvented in the Golden State, California Hillary was all Splenda and smirk. Not surprising that California Democrats chose her over Barack. People here are used to fakes: breasts, lips, hair, even politicians.

Remember early in the campaign when the impeached Clinton, Bill, claimed he was always against Bush's war in Iraq? That was news to a lot of people who remembered things differently.

Just like old times, the Clintons are up to their necks in smoke and mirrors and secrecy. Despite assurances of government transparency, Sen. Clinton wants the public to know what she wants it to know when she wants it to know.

Unlike Obama, Clinton won't release her income tax returns, just her Senate financial disclosure records. Income statements would tell voters from whom and where she gets her money.

Hillary has said she will release the returns when she becomes the nominee. Like Bush II, Clinton II wants the electorate to trust it. Seriously!

The former first couple also won't identity donors to the impeached Clinton's presidential library. Voters ought to be able to follow the money trail to make an informed decision at the polls. Remember, when you vote for one Clinton, you get two.

Why do we know all about "that slumlord Rezko," as Hillary said of an Obama contributor, but we know little, if anything, about who paid or is paying Hillary Clinton? The Clintons have their own don't-ask-don't-tell policy.

After nearly eight years of Bushit, do we need an encore performance from a successor, who leans left instead of hard right, just because she wears heels and not Florsheims?

Why does transparency matter? Think Dick Cheney's energy task force and those high gas prices. Think the Gonzales Eight and Plamegate. If you're expecting the Clinton co-presidency to usher change, think again.

Think of Clinton II as Bush II Lite.

The Clintons, like the Bushies, realize that if they say something often enough, incurious dunderheads, especially the press, will repeat it as fact. Hillary's Florida win wasn't a victory but a clever deceit.

The Clintons are like Rudy Giuliani. The more you get to know them the less appealing they become. Also like Rudy's failed campaign, the Clinton campaign withheld pay from staff while the candidate sought $5 million more from her personal stash. Obama is ahead in fundraising, too.

You never would have known from Hillary's one-woman play on Super Tuesday that she lost more ground than she gained. She played the winner, and the lazy press bought her act. So, with votes still not counted, the Golden Girl basked in Golden State greatness, took her bows, and thanked the little people for her success. At this writing, we still don't know who won New Mexico.

This year's best actress wasn't on the silver screen but behind a smoke screen that has been up since her hollow victory in Florida — perhaps even before, in Nevada.

The woman who played the weeping sparrow in Iowa, Evita in Florida, and Mama Rose ("Sing out, Barack!") in Los Angeles messed up her lines just once. That was in the California debate when she was asked about her Iraq war vote.

If Hillary doesn't get to the Oval, there's always the Oscar. It's not Barack who should worry, it's Cate Blanchett.

Rhonda Chriss Lokeman ([e-mail]) is a columnist for The Kansas City Star. To find out more about Rhonda Chriss Lokeman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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