Let's show respect for other points of view.

Byline: Cynthia Whitfield For The Register-Guard

Enough is enough. Can't we grow up and start respecting people who hold differing points of view?

I find the polarization in our community very disheartening. At social events, I find myself having to walk away when the almost rote demonization of either liberals or conservatives commences. The disrespectful, belittling tone of many letters to the editor in The Register-Guard is galling. Liberals and conservatives alike are quick to call each other evil, stupid and dangerous.

What are we teaching our kids? That they don't have to consider other viewpoints because anyone who thinks differently is to be vilified, mocked or ignored?

So exaggerated is the division between liberals and conservatives that there is virtually no open-minded sharing of information between the two camps. We routinely ignore information presented by the `other side' regardless of merit - which greatly hinders our ability to thoughtfully consider all aspects of an argument.

Perhaps we think that all we need to do is tell other people how stupid they are, and eventually they'll agree. Not likely.

Instead, both sides end up preaching to the choir. What's the point of writing letters to the editor if you can't influence other people's thinking? I suppose you might write just to parade your own righteousness, or show how clever you are at putting others down, but to what end?

Recent letters underscore how mean-spirited we've become. A Register-Guard editorial noted that few conservatives march in the Eugene Celebration parade. Several people wrote letters saying conservatives stay away because they're too morally deficient and stupid to defend themselves against the obviously superior liberal point of view.

I think there's a different reason. I remember when various pro-life and conservative organizations did march. They were routinely ignored or booed. Why should they come back for more?

And no, it doesn't mean they are insecure in their beliefs, as one writer smugly claimed. If I attended a club and got the feeling that blacks were not welcome, I might stop coming. This doesn't `prove' I think being black is inferior. It means I see little point in deliberately subjecting myself to hostility.

Liberals and conservatives use different tactics to promote their agendas. When liberals don't want to change the status quo, they call a proposal `unrealistic.' But if it's something they believe in, they call for all kinds of strenuous efforts to turn the tide. On the other hand, conservatives just flat-out call a proposal `immoral' if it's something they dislike.

Often a middle ground makes the most sense, but gets little attention. For instance, not so long ago, liberals said it was unrealistic to believe teens could wait to have sex, while religious conservatives insisted they could wait until marriage. Neither of these positions ended up being supported by later studies. It turns out that teens can wait - at least for a while. Education campaigns have led to many black teens successfully putting off sexual intercourse until they're older, resulting in healthier teens who say they're happier and better focused on education. Conservatives were at least partly right here.

Although teens are willing to wait, only a small percentage wait until marriage, even if they sign a contact saying they will. So liberals were partly right, also.

This shows that given permission and support, more teens can successfully wait until they're at least somewhat more ready for the complexities of a sexual relationship, which is a positive middle ground.

Many times I've seen letters claiming that pro-lifers don't care about children once they're born. This is not a logical assumption. Many pro-lifers adopt children, help new mothers with clothes and food, and give funds to various organizations benefiting women and children.

Maybe we should try looking at things through someone else's eyes. If you thought abortion was murder, of course you'd want it limited. Why not give pro-life people the benefit of the doubt - believe they are honestly opposed to something they see as tragic loss of life - even if we don't agree?

If we work together, we can usually come up with positive solutions that work for most people, although there will be some issues, such as abortion, where compromise just doesn't work. In any case, we could stop demonizing each other.

Within the last year, a couple of teens have written letters to the editor asking for more civility. Why not show our children we're capable of listening to each other and acknowledging that no one political party, philosophy or religion has all the answers?

Cynthia Whitfield of Eugene is a free-lance writer.