LUMBERING `SMOKIN' ACES' MAKES FOR A BLOODY MESS.

Byline: Glenn Whipp Film Critic

Writer-director Joe Carnahan spends the first 25 minutes of ``Smokin' Aces'' throwing tough-talking mobster characters and gangster tropes into a tonal stew pot, adding a pinch of Sergio Leone, a dash of Takeshi Kitano and a whole heaping helping of Quentin Tarantino. The end result is a main course of reheated nihilism, fit only for adolescents who don't know from the real thing.

The movie's premise -- dozens of low-rent goons and hit men (some played by actors -- ahem, Ben Affleck -- desperate to revive their indie credibility) descend on a Lake Tahoe hotel to take out a magician-turned-mobster (Jeremy Piven) who's about to squeal on The Boss -- has the makings of a decent mayhem movie.

But trouble is apparent from the outset when Carnahan spends an eternity introducing the various one-note characters without anyone -- and we're talking 20 or so killers, including neo-Nazis, black lesbians (Alicia Keyes and Taraji Henson) and a loon who chewed off his own fingerprints -- registering as interesting or even ``cool.''

They all have the gift of the gab -- even the Neanderthals -- but Carnahan doesn't have much of an ear for comedy. Scene after scene falls flat, and the tough-guy banter wouldn't even put a scare into Angela Lansbury.

Why the guy behind the agreeably gritty cop thriller ``Narc'' decided he's the second coming of Quentin ranks as the movie's second most puzzling question. The first: Why, after nearly 90 minutes of splattering limbs, cat-fighting hookers and characters gleefully being set afire, does Carnahan suddenly decide to veer into operatic Michael Mann territory, focusing on previously foreign concepts such as ``honor'' and ``morality''? (Love the cascading, faux-Moby music, too. Somebody has watched ``Heat'' one too many times.)

The movie's ending, where Ryan Reynolds' FBI stud becomes mad as hell and isn't going to take it anymore, is almost as interminable as Carnahan's lumbering shootouts. Add to this Andy Garcia's Monologue That Answers Every Question You Never Thought to Ask.

You are left with one question, however: Was this movie supposed to be ABOUT something? Now, that's more outrageous than all of the movie's stylized violence and gratuitous nudity put together.

Glenn Whipp, [phone]

[e-mail]

SMOKIN' ACES - One star

(R: strong bloody violence, pervasive language, some nudity and drug use)

Starring: Ben Affleck, Andy Garcia, Alicia Keys, Jeremy Piven.

Director: Joe Carnahan.

Running time: 1 hr. 47 min.

Playing: In wide release.

In a nutshell: The guy who made ``Narc'' decides to be Tarantino. Then he decides to be Michael Mann. It's a mess, and we're not just talking about the ``strong bloody violence'' in the MPAA rating.

CAPTION(S):

photo

Photo:

Bounty hunters ``Pistol'' Pete Deeks (Peter Berg), Jack Dupree (Ben Affleck) and Hollis Elmore (Martin Henderson) discuss their quarry in writer-director Joe Carnahan's ``Smokin' Aces.''