LETTERS TO L.A. LIFE : AN ALTERNATIVE VIEW TO GUISEWITE'S COMMENTARY.

Isn't it amazing how differently we see things! The title of Mickey Guisewite's article, ``The gift of guilt-free friends,'' stirred warm memories in my heart that left me unprepared for what was (I assume) the hyperbolized tongue-in-cheek intent of the commentary that followed.

Maybe it's my age... but the people in my life whom I consider ``thoughtful'' and whose friendship is a true ``gift'' are the ones who do find time or space in their own busy lives to think of me with compassion and understanding. That becomes an expressed (not necessarily tangible) acknowledgement that I exist and have value in their eyes. Friendship unexpressed isn't friendship, it's a no-thing.

And do we still (in this day of heightened awareness) embrace the hypocrisy of obligatory reciprocity wrapped around a ``gift?'' No matter who the giver is, that's not giving, that's deal making. And it's always our choice whether we participate in that or not.

For the frazzled, performance-driven caricature depicted in Ms. Guisewite's article, I say, ``Take a deep breath (in fact, treat yourself, take several) ... relax ... drop the shoulds, oughts and comparisons... do what you can, let go of the rest. Again, it is, after all, your choice. You may be delighted to discover that you can enjoy the visit from the bright well-rested neighbor as well as the one who you can claim shares your haggard mirror image.

Thanks for hearing an alternative view.

- Bonnie Eichar

Studio City

Exploring relationship linking behavior, child care

Dario Varin never once mentioned in the Italian study (``Does Bad Behavior Start With Child Care,'' Dec. 19) what type of behavior the 89 children displayed before attending child care. Young children between the ages of 3-5 years old have already developed patterns that determine how they act and behave in any environment.

Perhaps Varin needs a lesson himself in early childhood education before publicly making a fool of himself. Or is this another attempt to ease the guilty feelings of leaving children in child care programs?

- Goldie Abraham

Van Nuys