LEARNING TO BE A GOOD PARENT BECOMES A COLLECTIVE EFFORT : GROUP ADVISES YOUNG MOTHERS.

Byline: Luz Villarreal Daily News Staff Writer

Iris Hernandez was 15 years old, a foster child and eight months pregnant when she was ordered to attend parenting classes.

Reluctantly, she joined a young mothers program and then a few months later, when she was free to leave, she kept going - for two years.

Sandra Ponce was 19 when she became pregnant. A senior at San Fernando High School, she was living with her boyfriend, had no ambitions and no goals. She started attending a parenting program to learn how to care for her son, but she came away with a full-time job, independence and plans to attend college next semester.

Hernandez and Ponce graduated recently from Young Moms, a two-year support group offered by Friends of the Family, a nonprofit family counseling and education center based in Van Nuys. The two young mothers credit the program for improving their parenting skills and building their self-esteem and drive to do something with their lives.

Hernandez, now 17 and married, said she no longer felt isolated when she joined the group.

``I started liking it, and I wanted to keep going,'' said the North Hollywood teen-ager. ``I developed friends, and there were other young people like me.''

Ponce of Pacoima ended what she calls a bad relationship and started a new life, thanks to the advice and support of her peers.

``They opened my eyes a lot,'' Ponce said. ``I have more confidence in myself now. I came out stronger.''

Young Moms began in 1990 and has since graduated 11 classes with an average of 15 to 25 young mothers from across the San Fernando Valley. Girls between the ages of 13 and 21 can join the program in the last 10 weeks of their pregnancies. They are provided free transportation to and from the meetings, a meal and free child care on site.

The goal is to help prevent child abuse and neglect by providing young mothers with information, said Regina Law, coordinator of Young Moms.

In the process of helping the young moms with motherhood, they are encouraged to continue their education and develop self-esteem. Hopefully, they also will delay a second pregnancy until they are either older and more secure or married, Law said.

Young Moms is unique in that the volunteers who serve as role models and facilitators for each group are all former teen moms themselves.

Take Norma Cardenas, who led the group that included Hernandez and Ponce. She was 18 years old when she had her daughter, Vanessa. She married the baby's father just 20 days before giving birth. She later divorced and remarried her current husband, Tony Cardenas, who was elected to the state Assembly last November. They have two sons.

Cardenas said she became a volunteer because she saw herself in many of the young mothers who are in the program. She never went to college because she decided to work to help support her daughter, who is now 12.

``I tell them we did everything backwards,'' she said. ``I'm 31 years old, and I'm still playing catch-up. I wanted to go to college but I chose not to go and to work full time.''

Cardenas of Sylmar said she tried to help her group see beyond their situations by bringing in speakers, encouraging community service and leading discussions on topics such as birth control, relationships and responsibility.

``I made them look at themselves real good,'' she said. ``At that age, they blame their problems on everybody else. I try to empower them with experience and sharing. They think they can't go forward. They think they are stuck, but life doesn't end when you have a baby.''

Cardenas shared her facilitator role with Sonia Martinez, a 25-year-old mother of four who is going to school full-time.

During the two years, many friendships were made. Girls who had cars would drive those without to doctor appointments for their babies. Baby clothes and toys were exchanged. Potluck dinners were made and tears were cried.

``I wish I went through this when I was a teen-ager,'' said Martinez, who is married. ``I would have gotten a lot out of it. I think I wouldn't have had my other kids so soon.''

Ponce said she wishes more girls would take advantage of the program.

``I see a lot of my friends who aren't in groups like this and they are on their second or third child,'' she said. ``They always seem like they need a man there. One thing I told myself after I broke up with my son's father, I would never rely on a man.''

Today, Ponce is working as a secretary in the field office of Tony Cardenas.

Hernandez, who is trying to get into a vocational school to become a dental assistant, went a different route than most girls. She married her son's father and is now expecting her second child.

``I'm not saying it's good to get married and have a kid at my age, but it happens,'' she said. ``I learned how to take care of my kid, how to be patient, how to deal with a family.''

Laura De Santiago, a member of the group from Panorama City, joined last summer. She had already gone through a parenting class, but between her part-time job as a teacher's assistant and full-time college schedule, she was looking for a support group to meet other mothers her own age.

``Before I joined the group, my confidence was low,'' the 22-year-old mother said. ``They let you know you are special and that you are doing the right thing for your baby. I needed to hear that I was doing OK. When you are going through a lot of things in your life, you need that extra support.''

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2 Photos

Photo: (1) Sonia Martinez and Norma Cardenas, from left, help young mothers like Laura De Santiago, 22, with son Alexandar Melencez, 2.

John McCoy/Daily News

(2--Color) Iris Hernandez, right, with husband, Ruben, and son Ruben Jr., is a graduate of Young Moms, a program that helps mothers 13 to 21 cope with parenting and provides self-esteem and career planning advice. The Valley group is led by women who themselves have had to cope with pregnancy while in their teens.

Terri Thuente/Daily News