LAUGH OR CRINGE, YOU CAN'T HELP TAKING `SIDES'.

Byline: Evan Henerson Theater Critic

`Sides,'' the auditions-gone-haywire romp created by Mr. Miyagi's Theatre Company, operates on dual principles: (1) There is no sight quite so fascinating as a blood-soaked train wreck. (2) One has to be a very skillful actor to convincingly portray a very inept one.

Bull's-eye on both points. Performers Sekiya Billman, Cindy Cheung, Paul H. Juhn, Peter Kim, Hoon Lee and Rodney To are quite marvelous as a gang of largely clueless thespians (and an occasional casting agent) looking to get that part.

And the train-wreck appeal? Well, what show-business lover wouldn't plunk down good money to watch a severely botched rendition of ``To be or not to be'' or see a poor sap offer up a dramatic reading of Wang Chung's ``Everybody Have Fun Tonight''?

That said, even with a handful of near-priceless moments throughout the 75-minute performance, ``Sides'' is kind of a slog. The play, directed by Anne Kauffman in a co-production between MMTC and East West Players, feels more like an interlude than a main event.

One by one, six actors -- four males, two females -- enter a room and ready themselves for an audition. When we actually watch them read what they've prepared, the tone of the evening is established. A quivering Johnny Fantastiko (played by Hoon Lee) reads Wang Chung lyrics. Badly. Sunny Kenai'apuni (Sekiya Billman) does a flitting interpretive dance to ``Thriller.'' Badly. Pete Suh (Peter Kim) emotes from his one-man show ``Little Altar Boy No More.'' Badly. Tracy Lee, too, sings along embarrassingly to ``Circle of Life'' from ``The Lion King.''

There is indeed humor in these endeavors. Once, maybe twice. There's also a not-so-

fine line between being job hungry and a little misguided and desperately needing a lobotomy. Kauffman and the Miyagis have essentially placed us on the receiving end of these displays -- and we're allowed to laugh.

But what casting agent watching this kind of lunacy wouldn't put these poor blighters out of their misery after 20 seconds, with a ``Thank you. We have your resume''?

Granted, ``Sides'' is a spoof, but it really needs to maintain even the flimsiest attachment to reality for the laughs to take hold. Kauffman's actors refuse to drop a bit until it's been beaten into submission. So a daisy-chain rendition of the same scene, where six different actors do six inappropriate interpretations of ``street,'' quickly turns to goofy overkill.

On the plus side

There's some crazy-funny stuff, though. Rodney To expertly portrays a pair of scene-chewing lunatics: a flamboyant playwright-director named Ding Ding who sticks an actor in a wheelchair and gives him a cane; and a choreographer teaching dance steps to ``Medea, the Hip-Hop Musical.''

Cindy Cheung is terrific playing Cass, the casting agent (presumably) reading alongside the auditioners who gets herself a mite too wrapped up in the parts she is reading. Cheung almost single-handedly takes the stage down ``playing'' an abused wife.

Actors who have perhaps encountered ``Sides'' episodes in their auditioning career may well be nodding in recognition. The rest of us may simply want to hurl tomatoes first and chuckle later.

Evan Henerson, [phone]

evan.henerson(at)dailynews.com

SIDES: THE FEAR IS REAL - Two and one half stars

Where: East West Players, 120 Judge John Aiso St., Los Angeles.

When: 8 p.m. Wednesday through Saturday, 2 p.m. Sunday; through Oct. 1.

Tickets: $30 to $35. [phone] or visit www.eastwestplayers.org.

In a nutshell: How bad can an audition get? Let Mr. Miyagi's Theatre Company count the ways.

CAPTION(S):

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Photo:

Peter Kim, left, Paul H. Juhn and Hoon Lee in a scene from ``Sides: The Fear Is Real,'' at East West Players through Oct. 1